May: What a Friend I Have in Jesus

Counting days to my birthday. Frankly, I’m feeling so old. I do not know why.

I assume it due to heavy days I through in last 5 months. What kind of heavy days?

When you sure with all your faith to get something but in the end of the day all you have got is nothing. You feel disappointed, desperate, hating the circumstance. The fact seems destroy all faith you had once before.

That’s what I felt.

My faith seems disappeared. I tried to cover all my sadness behind my smile, my laugh. I tried to find things that can make me happy because crying didn’t help anymore. For example: Eat. My weight increased!! It makes another unexpected problem xD

I spend times hang out with new friends just to trying something different, other kind of fun, but I guess it did not work as well.

I began being a selfish person just to make my mood better, getting my happy self back, and to get the faith I used to have before.

But again… It didn’t work.

Today, my father helps me to remember what kind of faith I had once. It was on my Senior High School. It held a final examination. When everybody planned to cheat, I stand up and said, “I’ll try my best. I trust on you, God. I know you help me to pass this test.” Thank God. In that time, God helps me and I passed without any cheat. My father said he was really proud of me in that time.

In that time, God says “yes” for my request.

In this time, God says “no” for my request.

I know, now the problem is: Will I still count on Him? Will I still trust on Him?

For the last 5 months my disappointed answer was “No. Hard to believe in you anymore, God. You didn’t let me get what You put in front of my eyes. How come I still trust You?”

But today God answer me with Isaiah 55: 8-13 (NIV)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Declares the LORD.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower. And bread for the eater.

So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.

Those words make me feel guilty and shame for feeling disappointed and I ask for forgiveness at this.

So now, if God ask me one more time if I still trust on Him, I answer: Yes, LORD.

I give Him a give in singing with my simple voice and my guitar playing (the back sound ‘woof. Woof’ is my dog’s  voice xD). Click here to listen :)

   

Today's Preaching

Today I went to another Church in Jakarta. I attend the service with a friend of mine.

The Pastor was from Philippine. Automatically I remember my old friend in that Country and wondering how he is doing.. Okay, that's not what I want to tell. Hehe.. ^o^

I would like to share what the Pastor teach.

At the moment Jesus raise to heaven He told us:

Go you therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatever I have commanded you: and, see, I am with you always, even to the end of the world. Amen.

(Matthew 28:19-20)a

He doesn't call us to just put a "Christian" as our religion. He wants more than that. He want  a relationship between Him and His people. "Christian" is just written not more than three times in the bible but "disciples" written more than a hundred. "Christian" is a religion. "Disciples" is a relationship between a leader and a follower. He wants an intimacy relationship because He loves us.

How can we conclude that He loves us? 

Because He gives us freedom.

 

God said in

John 14:15: If you love me, keep my commandments.

Any first word in the bible is written is the most important thing.

Where's the first command of God in the Bible?

Genesis 2:16

And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good.

Why He doesn't want us to eat that fruit?

- He wants us to Free.

Free is a statement of love. Free means you don't need to pretend to be liked by others. Free means you can choose anything you want. He wants us to keep choose if Him when we tempt leave Him but He never forces us to do that.

He wants we do everything because we love him instead of afraid of Him.

Don't you think that He exactly know Adam will sin against Him of eating the forbidden fruit? 

Yes!!

He is surely know but why God is let Adam do the desire of Adam's own heart?

Because every relationship is based on trust. Trust is the foundation of love. Love is the motive of the relationship.

- Eat is the most enjoyable thing we can do.

So every time we eat we should remember God and thank Him for the food He is given.  

- He wants to do alone to show us what we should do what we should not.

He wants a relationship like a father advice his child.

The fact, we know finally both Adam and Woman eat that fruit.

Do you know the history why Woman can't trust a Man? 

Adam let the Woman eat the forbidden fruit. Why he doesn't stop a Woman to eat for he know God says that whoever eat that fruit will be died? He used the woman and watching whether she would die or no. Maybe in the CCTV of Eden shows Woman take fruit but who knows Adam hold the stair used by the Woman. And after all, When God ask Adam if he eat the forbidden fruit, what Adam said? Adam blamed the Woman and even God.

Genesis 3: 9-10

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was naked; so I hid."

I am sure God knows where is Adam but He asked deeper than Adam physically. God asked:
Where is your heart? Where is your trust? You trust the evil? The woman? or me?

Where is our relationship?

Without trusting God, man is stupid! Adam was afraid, insecure, and the Woman lies. She said the Evil tempt her but actually she tempt by herself, admire the fruit itself.

So do we. When we do wrong, we feel afraid, insecure, and tell some lies.

God doesn't let his people died. He gives both of them pain as a signal when they do the wrong thing rather than kill them. So if we feel pain, maybe financial pain, heart pain of others, or any pains, those are a signal of God questions: "Where are you?","Where are your heart?", "Where is our relationship?".

Pain is an act of mercy.

And Finally God himself receive the pain at the cross, the pain that we should feel.

He has forgiven us because He loves us.

Forgiveness is a recipe of a relationship.

As God has forgive us we should forgive others.

:)

*What a nice preaching today

Sang Phantom dan Kamen Rider

Beberapa waktu lalu, aku makan siang di Cafe kantor bersama beberapa temanku. Salah satu dari mereka sangat menyukai Kamen Rider, aku asumsikan, dia mengidolakan Kamen Rider.

Kamen Rider itu sendiri yang aku tahu adalah ksatria baja hitam. Meskipun aku anak perempuan, ketika masih SD aku sering sekali menontonnya. Aku senang sekali dengan pembela kebenaran. Setelah jaman mulai berganti dan film-film generasi 90 mulai bergeser dengan abad millenium, memori tentang cerita imajinasi ksatria baja hitam juga mulai pudar bahkan hilang.

Saat makan siang itu, rekanku membawa samsung galaxy note-nya agar dapat menonton salah satu episode kamen rider wizard.

Seru juga.

Terlebih seru tentang terjadinya "Phantom". Phantom adalah tokoh antagonis dari film ini. Setiap manusia memiliki Phantom dalam dirinya. Phantom terwujud dari harapan manusia yang mati. Ketika manusia menyerah dan berpikir tidak ada harapan, ia secara otomatis berubah wujud menjadi Phantom.

Phantom... Dia akan menyerang manusia lain dan membunuh harapannya.

Wujud Phantom sangat mengerikan, namun bagiku, lebih mengerikan manusia normal yang sudah tidak punya harapan.

Dalam diri seorang Kamen Rider sebenarnya juga ada Phantom. Namun ia berhasil mempertahankan harapannya. Oleh karena itu, ia diberi penghargaan sehingga bisa menjadi Kamen Rider.

Inilah tugas Kamen Rider: Ia harus menyelematkan harapan orang-orang yang diserang oleh Phantom.

Film ini adalah fakta dengan tingkat imajinasi yang tinggi.

Sabar versi lain

Belakangan ini aku banyak belajar hal-hal yang baru maupun diingatkan tentang hal-hal lama atau perpaduannya. Kalau dalam antropologi mungkin bisa dibilang alkuturasi dan asimilasi.
Begitulah kurang lebih.

Semua yang aku pelajari membawa aku lebih bahagia. Ya, aku belajar memilih BAHAGIA untuk meresponi kejadian yang terjadi. Tentu aja ada kejadian yang pertamanya bikin sedih, kesal, dan jengkel. Kalau aku terus-terusan jengkel, hal itu membawaku semakin terpuruk. Aku memilih memikirkan apa yang aku punya dan bahagia karenanya.

Dari pemikiran tersebut, aku belajar untuk BERSYUKUR dengan apa yang aku miliki. Berfokus dengan apa yang ada dapat membuat yang ada itu berlipat ganda. Setiap yang kita miliki adalah bentuk rasa percaya Tuhan pada kita, termasuk kelemahan-kelemahan kita.

Aku bersyukur juga memiliki KELEMAHAN, dari situ aku dapat menyadari siapa yang tulus mengasihi aku.
Aku harus mengucapkan terima kasih untuk dua hari belakangan ini pada dua orang yang berbeda.
Terima kasih mau menerima kelemahanku, menunggu dan bahkan mau berjalan BERSAMA untuk membantuku.
:)

Aku menyimpulkan semua itu menjadi satu kata: SABAR (dengan pengertian yang berbeda dari pemahamanku sebelumnya).

Life is an Art #2

Selamat datang kembali ke dalam dunia abad jaman kuno.
Ke dalam dunia yang mungkin susunan masyarakat sosialnya seperti jaman revolusi Inggris.
Atau revolusi apapun yang kelompok masyarakatnya terbagi-bagi dalam beberapa kasta.
Selamat datang di kasta paling bawah.

good bye, 2012!

Dua jam menuju 2013,

waktu terus berjalan ketika kaki berhenti menapak...

Aku terpaksa beranjak mesti hati enggan pergi.

Waktu memaksaku untuk melewati setiap detik ketika aku ingin diam di detik tertentu.

Waktu memaksaku membuka mata untuk melihat dunia.

Satu periode telah kuhadapi.

365 hari telah aku lewati,

Aku melihat banyak duka sahabat-sahabat yang kehilangan orang terkasih.

Aku baru mengetahui bahwa orang yang kuat adalah orang dapat bertahan ketika ia kehilangan orang yang paling dikasihinya.

Aku melihat banyak juga tawa yang menghiasi hari mereka.

Aku sendiri mengalami berbagai macam peristiwa yang sebelumnya tidak pernah aku tahu.

Banyak yang harus aku terima, banyak yang harus aku buang..

Jika Tuhan berkehendak, masih ada ratusan hari lain yang akan ku lalui...

Kemana Ia akan membawaku, aku tidak tahu..

Namun hatiku akan tetap percaya aku tidak pernah ditinggalkan..

Sebab itu, setiap malamnya akan aku lewati dengan syukur :)

waktu dan kamu

Waktu yang lampau memang sudah berlalu tapi semua masih terbawa waktu
Selalu bersamaku kemanapun ku pergi
Kuanggap ini bukan hal yang negatif, ataupun positif Ini hanya reaksi netral yang dihasilkan dari reaksi masa kini dan harapan masa depan
Seperti jarum, menyakiti kedua pihak namun menyatukan
Atau mungkin seperti gunting yang memisahkan
Sesuatu yang indah yang tercipta meski tak selalu terungkap
Terbungkus sang waktu sehingga kita tidak dapat melihatnya

Baru ngertiiii...

Akhirnya gua baru ngerti sekarang tentang bermacam-macam hal.

Gua baru ngerasain apa arti peribahasa "tua itu pasti, dewasa itu pilihan"
Kehidupan itu menyerahkan keputusan kepada gua. Sikap gua itu keputusan gua.
Dalam menjalankan kehidupan respon perasaan maupun sikap gua menjadi hak gua. Gua berusahalah untuk gak emosian lagi atau kebawa perasaan.
Gua suka heran juga ngeliat orang yang sudah menerima yang terbaik dalam hidupnya tapi kok gak mau gitu berbagi, mengalah, atau malah mau mengambil hak gua orang lain. Dalam situasi menghadapi orang itu gua gak mau lagi untuk menyalahkan diri  gua atas tindakan yang dia pilih. Kadang gua mikir, apa tindakan gua salah sampe dia kaya gitu. Kalau dia ngambek dan gak suka berarti itu pilihan dia untuk berespon seperti itu. Jadi gua gak perlu terlalu kebawa perasaan gak enak.

Gua baru ngerti kenapa dulu tuh mantan pacar gua marah kalau gua ga mau minta pertolongan dia.
Gua baru ngerasain ternyata rasanya tuh kaya lu tau sahabat lu lagi dalam kesulitan tapi dia gak bilang sama lu dan sekalipun dia bilang lu ga bisa bantuin apa-apa.
:(

Nah, sekian dulu yaa.
Semoga akan ada banyak hal-hal lainnya yang gua ngerti dan bisa gua tulis di blog ini.
Kalau punya pendapat sendiri monggo dikomentari yaa..
:D

Because of you by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery..
I will not break the way you did you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid....

I lose my way and it's not too long because you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid...

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid....

Because of you

Because of you

To know more to love more

Saturday and Sunday are not really weekend for me. What do you usually on weekend?

Hang out with friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend maybe, spend a lot time in front of tv, wake up not as early as weekday,

most of people do in weekend is rest and lazier than weekday.

Poor me, I must do my duty as music instructor in Saturday and do sunday service in Sunday.. Where is my rest day? Sorry I don't mean to complain here I just want you to know that I'm all human.

Everytime I feel like that, I think about everything God has given to me. I work and I got money, have some friends in music school, enhance my music skill. Being a sunday school teacher, I can see much smiles in children, singing with children, tell some stories. Yes, those are happiness for me. Maybe what my high school friend is right. He writes this words in his social network

If you never feel sad, you never know how does it feel to be happy. If you never feel lonely, you never know how does it deal to share with a bunch of people. All thing in life contradicts itself, but without one another, you can't say that you're really feeling alive.

Thank God for all of these feelings..

The answer

Finally I realize my last decision is wrong.
Differences is not about hating someone especially someone you love the most.
And guys, hating me will not make me stop loving you.
That's the very best decision I can make.
:)

two are better than one..

Sesuatu yang tidak mudah ketika saya harus berkonfrontasi dengan seseorang. Saya sendiri tidak menyukai konflik. Menjadi seorang yang asertif bukanlah kekuatan saya.Saya pribadi mengakui bahwa beberapa kali saya membiarkan seseorang 'menjajah' hak saya. Tentunya ada beberapa alasan mengapa saya melakukannya, entah karena merasa kasihan, tidak tega, atau memang tidak mau melawan.Tapi ada kalanya saya dapat berkonfrontasi dan menjadi keras.Saya tidak selemah yang mungkin Anda bayangkan.Namun saya akan dapat berkonfrontasi, pertama ketika saya merasa ada hal yang tidak dapat dikompromikan. Kedua, jika saya sudah merasa cukup dekat dengan orang yang bersangkutan, dengan harapan dia akan mencoba mengerti saya.

Amsal  28:13 “Siapa menyembunyikan pelanggarannya tidak akan beruntung, tetapi siapa mengakuinya dan meninggalkannya akan disayangi.”

Saya tidak menyangka, bahkan tidak pernah terpikirkan... bahwa jika pada akhirnya saya harus kehilangan seseorang karena kejujuran saya. Harapan saya untuk dimengerti sepertinya tidak akan terjadi. Sekarang saya baru paham bagaimana hubungan dapat rusak; lebih banyak karena kejujuran daripada kebohongan. Seperti kata Jhon Lenon, bagaimanapun lebih baik dibenci karena menjadi diri sendiri daripada harus berpura-pura untuk disayangi.

Pengkotbah 4:9-10 “Berdua lebih baik dari pada seorang diri, karena mereka menerima upah yang baik dalam jerih payah mereka. Karena kalau mereka jatuh, yang seorang mengangkat temannya, tetapi wai orang yang jatuh, yang tidak mempunyai orang lain untuk mengangkatnya!

Terima kasih atas semua proses pembelajaran yang sudah pernah Anda hadirkan.
Saya tidak akan pernah menganggap Anda musuh atau lawan bahkan ketika Anda menganggap saya demikian.
Tidak ada kata lagi yang saya akan coba katakan.

In case of emergency

It was noon, so hot, sweaty, and upset.. I walked in to elevator in Campus, push the button G (for Ground). Then I looked in front of me... I saw an announcement there.

"In Case Of Emergency:

1. Do Not PANIC

2. ...

3. ..."

I forget what's the second and the third xP

Then, I lift up my head. Remembering that panic is not needed in emergency.

Yes... It shouldn't applicable just on elevator. It applicable in real life.

In case of emergency: DO NOT PANIC 

It's Okay. I pray you'll be recover soon.

Do you remember about my post days ago about gratitude?
am trying to do it. Espcesially today.
I'm tired of complaint. It doesn't change anything but exhausted mentally.

Today I have an appointment with my thesis advisor at 2 p.m in Campus.
So I went to Campus, you know by what? of course train... but... what make it special is I take ecomy class train because I don't want to be late and the fisrt train is the economy one ..

If you live in States, Japan, Aussie, Singapore, or other developed countries there will be no worry take the economy.. but in Indonesia... *sigh* just look the picture

economy class train

There was no more empty chair so I stand up.. a lot of smoking people there. I thank to the Lord for He let me sit in Stasiun Cilebut (next railway station after Stasiun Bogor). And.. I fell a sleep 'till Stasiun Sudirman.

Finally I arrived in Campus. I sent my thesis advisor a text message, told her I already in front of her room. No response.
After an hour, I had got a text message from her.. She said she did send me text message in the morning, told me she has a fever, need take some rest, and can't go to Campus. She really sorry and apologize about that.
I only replied: "It's okay, ma'am. I pray you'll be recover soon."


Yeah.. I learned to praise the Lord whatever the situation.
So I decided to go home by train but I must take transJakarta to reach Stasiun Cawang.
I bought the ticket. SUDDENLY my chairmate on Junior high school sent me bbm. She said she want to mourn our junior high school teacher. I said to her that I still in Jakarta, in front of Plaza Semanggi. She said she was in front of Plaza Semanggi too. She asked me to join her, back to Bogor by her car. WHAT A MIRACLE.

We talked about many things. She encouraged me to learn english more and more. She asked me to play piano in her new restaurant. After that, we went to Sinar Kasih, mourned.

I learned how to be thankful in any conditions. I learned how to not give up. I learned how to save friendship as well.

Thank God for this beatiful day. This is only by Your Grace.

Gratitude

I'm so wondering why many Russians see my blog. But that's okay.. I'm happy if my writing can be read by a lot of people. So, Hi World...! Today I'm gonna share about gratitude.
In one situation there are two choices of thinking. See the goodness or the badness. I'm not talking about 'half full' or 'half empty' glass. No matter how full or how empty glass, the best thing to do is 'give thanks'. Thanks for the water on it. Even if there's no water on it, still give thanks, no matter how you feel. Yeah, maybe it seems weird and hard but complain doesn't change anything and give thanks is better. And someday, I'm sure, you can see that the moment you are facing now is the best moment you have no matter how you feel.

So no matter how you feel, gratitude is always the right and the best decision.

"In everything, give thanks"

:)

Kesempatan

Tidak ada orang yang sempurna.

Tidak ada orang yang seumur hidupnya hanya bahagia yang dirasakan.

Tidak ada orang yang tidak pernah berbuat dosa.

Tapi itu semua bukanlah suatu excuse untuk hidup sembarang.

Setiap orang yang masih bisa menghirup udara diberi kesempatan untuk berubah, neither to be good or bad.

Semuanya itu pilihan.

Hari ini ketika aku buka mata, aku merasa semua baik-baik saja. Bahkan sangat baik.

Hari ini adalah Hari Raya Nyepi umat Hindu. Di hari aku dan teman-teman berencana menghadiri PA Guru Sekolah Minggu di Bandung.

Aku, Ka Ira, Iyong, Wawa, Ocha, Hanna, Ka Grey dan Bang Kolter bertemu di damri dan berangkat dengan menggunakan mobil bang Itor.

Semuanya masih baik-baik saja. Sampai sebelum masuh tol Cipularang, macet banget dan ternyata ada kecelakaan. Setelah melewati itu, lalu lintas kembali lancar. Kira-kira waktu yang kami tempuh selama 3 jam untuk tiba di lokasi. Acara berlangsung dengan hikmah. Setelah acara selesai, ada sedikit pertimbangan apakah langsung pulang atau jalan-jalan dulu. Akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk jalan-jalan dulu, tapi sayangnya kami terjebak macet. Aku, Iyong, dan Ocha memutuskan untuk berjalan kaki sambil melihat-lihat barang-barang yang di jual di pinggir jalan. Teman-teman yang lain merasa terlalu lama menunggu kami sehingga mereka ke rumah makan. Aku, Iyong, dan Ocha akhirnya menyusul ke rumah makan itu.

Perjalanan pulang terasa lebih lama. Kami berhenti sejenak di Cibubur untuk merenggangkan badan.

Aku dengan seorang kakak bertukar pikiran dan berbincang-bincang panjang mengenai suatu hal. Setelah itu, kami melanjutkan perjalanan, ada 'kejadian aneh' yang tidak perlu aku ceritakan. Yang paling bodoh adalah ketika hp aku ketinggalan di mobil bang Itor.. -_-" Aaaaarrrggg... How silly I am..

Thank God, Kak Grey have called me and said she will return my mobile phone tomorrow morning.

Dari kejadian-kejadian hari ini, aku merasa, aku sedang ditegur supaya aku berubah menjadi lebih baik dalam hal:

1. Emosi

Hal ini yang belum dapat sepenuhnya aku kontrol. Sering kali aku langsung emosi ketika menghadapi suatu kejadian yang menurut aku di luar kemampuan aku, seperti merasa khawatir berlebihan.. hehe..

2. Pikiran

Ternyata aku terlalu memikirkan perasaan dan kehidupan orang lain yang seharusnya ga usah sampai segitunya aku urusin..

3. Percaya

Semuanya bisa aja terjadi di dalam hidup ini, tapi hanya satu yang ga mungkin terjadi, Tuhan tidak pernah ingkar janji, Ia tidak pernah meninggalkan aku..

Yang paling penting adalah berusaha melakukan apa yang aku ucapkan dan melakukan apa yang aku imani.

 

Takes time to change....

Feel so thankful if now I can open my eyes and take breath, I ask God to always be with me and help me to change me like He wants me to be.