God is good.

Thank you God for accepting as the way I am. The bad, my ugly side, the anxiety, the bitterness of me. The part that even myself hate the half me. You answer my prayer and my complaint about those things. Thank you for slow to anger. Thank you for proving that you can handle ALL my emotion that I hide before. Thank you for understand me and have the empathy I need. Thank you for never give up on me. Thank you for blessing me more than I deserve.

May: What a Friend I Have in Jesus

Counting days to my birthday. Frankly, I’m feeling so old. I do not know why.

I assume it due to heavy days I through in last 5 months. What kind of heavy days?

When you sure with all your faith to get something but in the end of the day all you have got is nothing. You feel disappointed, desperate, hating the circumstance. The fact seems destroy all faith you had once before.

That’s what I felt.

My faith seems disappeared. I tried to cover all my sadness behind my smile, my laugh. I tried to find things that can make me happy because crying didn’t help anymore. For example: Eat. My weight increased!! It makes another unexpected problem xD

I spend times hang out with new friends just to trying something different, other kind of fun, but I guess it did not work as well.

I began being a selfish person just to make my mood better, getting my happy self back, and to get the faith I used to have before.

But again… It didn’t work.

Today, my father helps me to remember what kind of faith I had once. It was on my Senior High School. It held a final examination. When everybody planned to cheat, I stand up and said, “I’ll try my best. I trust on you, God. I know you help me to pass this test.” Thank God. In that time, God helps me and I passed without any cheat. My father said he was really proud of me in that time.

In that time, God says “yes” for my request.

In this time, God says “no” for my request.

I know, now the problem is: Will I still count on Him? Will I still trust on Him?

For the last 5 months my disappointed answer was “No. Hard to believe in you anymore, God. You didn’t let me get what You put in front of my eyes. How come I still trust You?”

But today God answer me with Isaiah 55: 8-13 (NIV)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Declares the LORD.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower. And bread for the eater.

So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.

Those words make me feel guilty and shame for feeling disappointed and I ask for forgiveness at this.

So now, if God ask me one more time if I still trust on Him, I answer: Yes, LORD.

I give Him a give in singing with my simple voice and my guitar playing (the back sound ‘woof. Woof’ is my dog’s  voice xD). Click here to listen :)

   

HAPPY \(^0^)/

"berdasarkan hasil rapat dari sidang skripsi kamu dan kompre maka kamu dinyatakan lulus"

kata dosen penguji satu sambil terlihat membereskan kertas-kertas yang ada di sekitarnya, tapi saat ia berkata 'lulus' pandangannya beralih kepadaku.


Perasaanku sangat lega, Sejujurnya sangat 'shock' karena beberapa hari sebelu sidang, aku mendengar ada temanku yang tidak lulus. Dengan proses pembuatan skripsi yang begitu rumit, susahnya bertemu dengan pembimbing, pendeknya waktu untuk menyusun analisis, sulitnya mencari subjek, masih adanya beberapa mata kuliah, dan hal-hal lainnya yang cukup berat aku alami dan membuat aku ragu apa aku dapat lulus Juli ini. 


I was keep on running for my theses and decided not to stop without knowing if it will finish in July.

Sambil harap-harap cemas menunggu hasil semester genap ini juga karena kalau ada satu saja mata kuliah yang tidak lulus berarti harus tunggu sidang sampai semester depan. Puji Tuhan, semuanya lulus dengan hasil yang memuaskan.


Beberapa hari kemudian aku mendapat kabar bahwa tanggal untuk sidang skripsiku sudah ditentukan 24 Juli 2012. Rasanya setiap harinya adalah perjuangan melawan rasa gelisah dan ragu. Aku sempatkan menginap di rumah Dhanie untuk belajar teori kepribadian bersama untuk sidang kedua setelah sidang skripsi. Di rumahnya, kami hanya sempat mempelajari tiga tokoh saja dari sekitar lima belas tokoh.


Aku kembali ke rumahku dan setiap hari aku mempelajari teori kepribadian tersebut sampai sebelum hari sidang. Tentu saja aku sudah membuat presentasi jauh sebelum hari sidang jadi aku tidak perlu memikirkan hal tersebut lagi. Aku hanya perlu mengecek semua slide-nya dan memastikan semua sudah lengkap.


Ruang Rapat lt.4 Jam 08.00-10.00. Dengan dosen penguji satu yang seorang Doktor dan dosen penguji dua yang merupakan seorang praktisi ilmu psikologi. Sempat beberapa menit aku protes sama Tuhan tetapi kemudian aku tersadar aku tidak boleh mengandalkan kekuatan siapapun kecuali Dia.


Malam sebelumnya banyak sekali yang mendukungku dengan mengirim pesan singkat, rekaman suara, mention di twitter, bbm atau bahkan bertemu langsung padaku. Semua itu membuatku merasa aku tidak sendiri melalui proses ini. Mereka sangat berjasa.


Aku tidak dapat tidur. Seberapapun aku berusaha.. Aku tidak dapat tidur nyenyak.


Jam empat pagi aku bersiap dan jam lima aku berangkat dari Bogor diantar oleh adikku dan ditemani ayahku. Sekitar jam 6 aku sudah ada di depan sekretariat. Bertemu dengan beberapa dosen. Mereka menyemangatiku dengan perkataannya. Aku berusaha untuk tetap santai. 


Ketika ingin mempersiapkan presentasi di ruangan sidang, aku melihat dosen penguji dua sedang membaca sesuatu yang aku duga adalah skripsiku. Sekitar jam tujuh aku mendengar dia berbincang dengan dosen penguji lain dan pembimbing kalau ternyata dia salah baca skripsi. Aku merasa tenang juga. karena dengan begitu aku berpikir bahwa ia tidak terlalu memahami skripsiku seutuhnya. Namun kenyataannya berbeda. Pada saat sidang, justru ia yang lebih banyak berbicara dibanding dosen penguji lain. Setelah melewati detik-detik menengangkan, aku harus melewati detik menegangkan lainnya yaitu sidang teori kepribadian. Bertolak belakang lagi dengan pemikiranku. Ternyata sidang teori kepribadian tidak sesulit yang aku bayangkan sebelumnya.

Setelah sidang selesai aku keluar ruangan dan mengabarkan berita gembira ini kepada ayah dan teman-temanku yang lainnya. Terima kasih, Tuhan. Fantastis!

the best man in every year

a man who never give up

Eventhough we are not so close I can feel you in my each step

You have your own way to show us how deep your love for us

I love you even when you are not around

and I want to make you proud

You don't talk so much
but you work too much
You keep everything alone and try not to make us worry
You know there's no perfect life but you've tried making our life to be easy
A very responsible man for your family

Thanks for teach me how to be tough
Thanks for teach me not to give up in every situation
Thanks for loving us so deeply
I'm sorry for a wrong thought about you
I thank God I have a dad like you

You know,
You always be the best..
The best.

I want the world to know that I have a very great dad.
I love you, dad.. Happy birthday. :*

father and daughter

As I told you, I have being accepted to work in the biggest private Bank in Indonesia, Bank Central Asia (BCA). And I just have finished my first job in Jogjakarta for 4 days 3 nights. I'm so thankful to God about these.. I mean.. I never thought I could through those wonderful moments there and all the things I've got there. It was really amazing.

That was my very first time flight without my parents' money with the best airline (Garuda Indonesia) in my Country, I stayed in the best Hotel, and I will receive my salary in next three weeks. Yiipppieee... xP

Actually, that's not really matter. The best part is finally I can make my parents proud of me.

I can see happiness in my parents' face. My dad couldn't even stop smiling. This is the first time I feel "the reason of my dad's happiness is me". I'm happy because he proud of me. Yeah.. I feel my dad never as glad as that moment before (because of me).

Why I'm so concerned about "me" and my dad's happiness?

As a middle child I often feel being ignored by him. I felt he cares and proud a lot with the oldest and my lil' brother. In karoness, boys became the successor of family (you know, patrilineal system) it makes him care a lot with my brother.  Maybe that was sibling jealousy.. xD... the worst was I felt I don't exist in my dad's eyes. I was hope my feeling is wrong.

Sorry, I'm such as a melancholy person. Hehehe.. 

I had lost my togetherness with my dad when I was teenager because He was so busy with his job. He was be a General Manager in TVRI. He said He tried to earn a lot of money for his family. But I need more than that. I need his time, he couldn't give it to me. You know, teenager was so difficult and he was not there. I was hate him unconsciously. I didn't know who he is.. and I blamed him for those things.

Words couldn't bring him change, anger is either

The only thing I could do was trying to forgive him, respect him as my dad, and praying for him.

After years, finally I realize.. I have a wrong thought about him..

I should proud of him. The happiness I have now is because his work hard.

I can have good friendships with my best friends because I can study in school and university..

and it was not cheap.. Even the job I've got is because I've study in one of the best University and he always pays my tuition bills on time even in time.

When I arrived home after work, He hugged me like said "I proud of you, my daughter"

I know he is a gift from God for me.. :')

He never ignore me, he just behind the scenes, the happines, and the success of me.

He may not a perfect man but I love him more than much...

-If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew- 7:11 NIV