Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Bye 2014!

It only takes second to be arrive in 2015. Personally, I do not set some ambitious goals. Last year, I made only 5 goals in 2014. I only accomplished 3 of them. So then, I make only 3 goals for 2015 that I hope it will come true.

There was a lot things happen in this year. Broken dreams, mistakes, and sorrow that I faced in about last 1,5 years.. Well, believe me, it was not easy. Maybe I look okay outside. Smile all the time. Laugh. Make some jokes. But inside? Who knows? 

We never know the scars behind someone's smile. 

Enough for sorrow. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is new year and it's time to let go the past. Let go the broken dreams. And Let God do his surprise for me in 2015.

Bye, 2014.
Hello, 2015!

I'm ready for the next adventure :)

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Ada saat dimana kita tidak menemukan kata-kata yang tepat untuk menggambarkan perasaan, mengucapkannya, atau sekedar menulisnya. Seakan-akan kita baru pertama kali merasakannya sehingga tidak tahu apa namanya. Sehingga kita hanya mampu diam.

Waktu berlalu terlalu cepat. Orang-orang mulai berubah. Begitu juga dengan diri sendiri.

Terkadang kita tidak mampu menjelaskan perubahan.

Ada saat dimana kita kehilangan akal untuk menggambarkan apa yang terjadi. Terkadang kita berubah menjadi sesuatu yang tidak kita sukai. Tapi terkadang kita juga puas dengan apa yang telah berhasil kita kerjakan.

Terkadang kita terlalu keras dengan diri sendiri. Kita tidak membiarkan diri kita merasakan apa yang seharusnya dirasa. Kita tidak memberikan waktu pada diri kita untuk bersedih, walau hanya sekedar untuk meratapi kesedihan yang telah kita alami.

Terkadang kita terlalu keras dengan diri sendiri. Kita tidak membiarkan diri kita merasa bangga dengan apa yang telah kita raih. "Masih banyak orang yang melakukannya dengan cara yang lebih baik.", "Ini bukan apa-apa.", "Masih banyak hal yang harus aku kerjakan."

Terkadang kita terlalu keras dengan diri sendiri. Kita tidak memberikan maaf kepada diri sendiri ketika kita melakukan kesalahan. Padahal kita mampu memberikan maaf kepada orang lain.

Terkadang kita tidak mau mengakui bahwa 'terkadang' sebenarnya adalah 'sering'.
Terkadang kita tidak mau mengakui bahwa 'kita' itu sebenarnya adalah 'aku'.

Minggu Terakhir dan Berita yang Mengejutkan

Di hari Minggu terakhir ini, (mungkin) seluruh dunia dikejutkan dengan berita hilangnya Pesawat Air Asia QZ 8501. Sampai pada malam ketika aku mengetik post ini, beritanya masih sama. Pesawat belum ditemukan. Pencarian dihentikan sementara karena cuaca tidak memungkinkan.
Aku sedikit lega karena Negara-Negara sahabat mau ikut membantu Indonesia mencari pesawat tersebut.

Semangat untuk semua tim yang ikut mencari pesawat ini!

Pasti sulit rasanya untuk keluarga dan orang-orang terdekat ketika mengetahui berita ini. Melalui post ini, aku mau mengungkapkan dukungan dan doa kepada keluarga agar selalu dikuatkan oleh Tuhan YME. Aku juga ikut berdoa supaya pesawat Air Asia QZ 8501 segera ditemukan dan semua penumpang beserta kru dapat selamat. Amin.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas Time!

So this is Christmas.
And I always love Christmas.

Happy Birthday, my best friend ever, Jesus Christ!

Love you.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Forgive and keep moving

I didn't understand what was going on both in my heart and brain; I, too, was a woman in love.
But nothing much I could do when the one I love and respect is disrespect me in return.
I really did feel unworthy. Thinking that I am a foolish.
I took a deep breath, holding in anger, upset, but there was no escape.
I thought I might be convinced, or, at least, received some explanations. But nothing existed. Everything was a lie.
Yes, nothing much I could do.
Even if I did something, what would change?

And it is too naive to pretend that everything is fine. The fact is everything change and different now, and actually I hate to realize it, and it takes me finally made a decision, and choose my own path.

But what is next then? Where do I should go? Which path I should choose?
The only place I know to run is my Shelter, Jesus Christ. And Jesus always teach to do good, doesn't he? Because he wants to bring out the best in every people who believe in Him.
Love is still love. Love is also consist of responsibility to forgive others unlimited. This is what Jesus told me at the very first time when I feel hurt.
44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, - Matthew 5:44 (NKJV)
But I am only human, and I know I need extra strength to do those things. I admit, I can't overcome it with my own self. Even for me, it was hard to lift this knee and this head. Sometime I ask Him, how come You ask me to do that favor?
I discover and He let me found some interesting answers for that questions. First, I realize, this sinner, me, He has washed away my sin. It remind me that I am not better than anyone else since we, people, are sinner. Second, a quote from by Paulo Coelho
"Sometimes, certain of God’s blessing arrive by shattering all the windows." 
I still believe there is a blessing in disguise in every shattering windows. And also from Rome 8:28 (NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose 
I have no choice, but to believe that everything happens to bring goodness. Many verses in bible tell me so. Those are more than enough to convince me about that. He wants me to love others like He loves me.

Knelt down, bending forward, hand pressed together in prayer. A prayer which magically strengthen me to face the days when I must meet the person who hurt me, blessing him, even hoping the goodness also will come his life. I really hope he will get his best in the future, to be success, wealth, and healthy.

Maybe it takes time to fix a broken heart, but I don't mind to give all the broken pieces to Jesus, so He can do beyond what I think. And if something bad will back, I don't mind as well. On the contrary, I will need it. It could show me the right path I should follow.

The good news is I don't have much time to regret, nor revenge. My own war is still continue outside, I still have to fight for people in need. And as Albert Einstein wrote to his son, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving".

So I keep moving then.


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Have a little faith by Mitch Albom

"Where there is a sweet, there is an ant.", said one of my friends looking at me staring and take steps at a book corner.
There is not really many books there, I had once take a book from it but not finish read it... give up maybe? So I return it, and try to find another book.

Have a little faith finally got my attention because of the title. My mind asking a question. Why just a little? Then I look the back cover and interested! It is say "As is often the case with faith, i thought I was being asked a favor. Actually, I was being given one..."
The contradiction on that sentences made me decided to read that book.
I am as not a fast reader, can proudly finish the book on 7 days. lol.

Have a little faith is biography of two people with very different background. Micth Albom can combine it perfectly. I love his writing skill. Easy yet deep.

Have a little faith teach me the secret of happiness and how faith woks. It teach me also how to appreciate others people's life, choice, anything that different from us because everyone is unique and our knowledge is limited. And it need faith to believe that every diversity brings goodness in God's masterpiece of life.

And the answer of my question: Why just a little faith?

Faith is necessarily needed in our daily life. No matter how small or how big faith is. Faith is faith. And faith really do something in our life.

The book is worth to read. And recommended!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

School :)

This is a very common question for me wherever I go: 'How's School?'

What do you expect me to answer? Good? Fine? All right?
Hmm.. I can't find a word to describe but cool...!

At first, it was, yes, frustrating, but by the time, everything goes friendly - the lecture, students, and even every task that I have to finish. Oops. Sorry, I lie about the task. Hihii.. At least I enjoy it anyway.

Having new environment means have some new demands. To deal with it, I think I really need social support who has  a lot of common variances with me, which is the students. What I love about them is, we support each others especially in the most difficult subject. And they are 'crazy'. The truth is when you have crazy friends, you have everything! <3

I'm gonna share some of our pictures here:


World Mental Health Day @Kempinski

Clinician Wanna Be..!!
Next year will be my 2nd Semester. Hopefully it will running well and.. I hope all of us 'becoming' a psychologist in 2016. Let's Hope!

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Perfect month to close the year

For some people, especially Christian, maybe Christmas time is the moment that they are waiting.
Christmas can be a tradition, a party, an event, a moment to meet relatives who long time no see.
And some people lost the meaning Christmas itself.
And maybe, I was one of them.

But this year, Christmas has a different meaning for me.

If you clearly understand all the post I wrote in this year, then you will see this year is not the easy one. It's the hardest yet the most beautiful year I ever have so far.

The Selfish, self-centered, egoist - me.
The things God wants to expose in my life.

He talked to me in early year of 2014,
but I didn't listen.
He talked to me again in March of 2014,
I listened but I forgot it.
He talked to me (again) in May 2014,
I pretend I didn't hear.
Every month, He never gives up, trying to talk to me.
So this December, I don't want to runaway anymore.

Listening to Him and do that He wants, that's the best thing what I can do right now.
For the one who really know me perfectly is Him alone. I believe His training for me is the best way to shape me.

He changes my perspective about any kind of relationships.  
I used to think that any relationship, including friendship only consist of happiness. Happiness should be beautiful, no pain.
And it is funny when I see, happiness no longer comes from beautiful things but the pain, the hurt, the scars.
A bitterness no longer be a bitterness but sweetness.

I can see the one who wants to protect me sometime just get angry with me because I did something wrong while I think, if someone love others, they should be kind and no need to show tension.

I can see the one who says 'I love you' can be not really mean the words.
The one who act sweet, but actually the their sweetness only can bring me down because they are just not mean the behavior.

The truth is when we love someone, then we will think what is the best for the one we love, isn't it?

Then we will fight the world, anything, that can makes the one we love to be worse. Because we need to see the one we love, grow up, better, and be the best of their-selves. Am I right?

I'm sure I am right!

What I learn is "To love others means to lose yourself."

I think this is what God wants me to listen and do. When I say, "I love you, Lord." means I need to lose my self and do what He is asking to me although I don't want to.

I hope this Christmas will be the perfect time for me to understand and 'die' then let Christ born in my heart, in my life.

another chapter.

After through a rough season of life - valley of darkness - I feel relief and can breath again.  I met someone a couple year ago. He seemed...