Monday, December 4, 2017

Bahagia itu sederhana :)

Rechecking my health condition and knowing that is nothing that I should worry for are something that makes me feel better.
Having lunch together with family even just in one hour is also  makes me feel better.
Able to eat one of my favorite foods is wonderful!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Me miss you

Since I cannot eat what normal people usually eat, my breakfast and lunch was plain porridge, slices of carrot and tempe. But I can't help. I have eaten the same menu for about a week! So I took potato from the refrigerator and fried it and mixed it with salt! HAHAHA. Some minutes later, I boiled ten fish-balls. I ate five, and mixed the five others into my porridge. (Thank God, my stomach is okay)

Today I kept asking my parent if  I can eat any kind of pork, mie bakso urat, kwetiaw, mie yamin, pangsit goreng, sushi, ramen, laksa, brownies, and my others favorite food and beverages. They told me, I just have to be patient. I only drink warm mineral water or hot sweet tea. No juice, ice cream, milk, soda (I don't really like soda so it's not really a matter). 

The best what I can do is scrolling food account in some social media. Sometime I just tell my parents the way I usually eat while I was imagine in a restaurant. It feels real. T_T

Me miss you, my favorite food :*

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

To Live Again

"If this is my last breath that you give to me, I am ready to go to where You are."

"Let me be with You. I'm ready."

I felt cold even when the sun was shining brightly outside.

I was powerless.

I can't stand.

I can't walk.

I was alone.

In my tiny room I was dying.

Only a phone call and prompt respond became my only hope.

God let me breath until someone came and carried me on the shoulder.

I have a second chance to open my eyes again.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Unsaid Goodbye

Alone used to be not a problem for me but I think it is better if I can be attached.

It is very lonely here when I cannot share my happiness and sadness.
It is very lonely here when I cannot share my thoughts and dreams

It is very lonely when we celebrate something with people without connection between us.

When everything begins with a commitment but someone just start walking away and decide to left unsaid.
When relationship more become a burden rather than a desire.

When the word 'always' changes to 'often' and changes again to 'sometimes' to 'rarely' then 'never' become the last word.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

All about timing

Every season has a different pace. Sometimes, I have to go fast like doing assignments, helping people, understanding what others are really said, and so on. But for making a big decisions in life, it doesn't have to be rushed, does it? Because it will impact for long term, important relationships, and many aspects in life. I think a silent moment is also necessary and not bad at all. People need to take their time to think, and to reflect what is really happen, to release the emotions and other "doesn't make sense" things. And hopefully, time will bring us in a moment that we realize and we can admit that we are not one hundred percent right, to accept others' weakness, to forgive what people do against us, to be okay when people misunderstood us, to see the truth about who ourselves really are. Hopefully it gives us peace in distress circumstances.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017


Banyak hal yang bisa membuat seseorang marah. Terkadang karena terlalu berfokus menjaga perasaan orang lain, secara tidak sadar, rasa kecewa, marah, dan tidak terima hanya dapat terpendam. Kemudian kita mulai mengalah, berkorban, menderita, dan tertekan.

Demi orang lain, bisa saja kita mengalah
Demi orang lain, bisa saja kita berkorban
Demi orang lain, bisa saja kita menderita
Demi orang lain, bisa saja kita tertekan

Ah, tapi apalah artinya hidup untuk orang lain yang bahkan menerima dirimu saja ia tidak bisa. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Habis Gelap Terbitlah Terang

Teruslah bermimpi, teruslah bermimpi, bermimpilah selama engkau dapat bermimpi! Bila tiada bermimpi, apakah jadinya hidup! Kehidupan yang sebenarnya kejam. - R. A. Kartini

21 Mei diperingati sebagai hari Kartini. Ibu Kartini adalah seorang perempuan yang memperjuangkan hak-hak wanita terutama di bidang pendidikan. Tanpa perjuangan Ibu Kartini, aku tidak mungkin dapat sekolah dan (akhirnya) menyelesaikan program profesi magister. It's just like a dream come true! Di tanggal yang sama dengan hari Kartini, aku bisa lulus sidang! Setelah perjuangan 2 tahun 10 bulan! Dengan meminjam semangat Kartini, akhirnya berhasil sudah aku menyelesai semua ini. Habis gelap terbitlah terang.


Awal dari mimpi-mimpi baru lainnya. Petualangan baru yang akan membawa aku entah kemana. Mungkin ke tempat yang nampaknya mengerikan lagi. Atau ke tempat yang tidak pernah aku bayangkan.

Ah, kemanapun itu asal Tuhan besertaku, itu cukup. Bahkan, itulah yang aku butuhkan.

Tetapi sekarang ini, kami tiada mencari penglipur hati pada manusia, kami berpegangan teguh-teguh pada tangan-Nya. Maka hari gelap gulita pun menjadi terang, dan angin ribut pun menjadi sepoi-sepoi. - R. A. Kartini

Yeremia 29:11
Sebab Aku ini mengetahui rancangan-rancangan apa yang ada pada-Ku mengenai kamu, demikianlah firman TUHAN, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan rancangan kecelakaan, untuk memberikan kepadamu hari depan yang penuh harapan.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Harus pilih apa

Selalu banyak pilihan di sekitar kita.
Mana yang harus aku ambil, aku tidak tahu.
Terlalu banyak rahasia di sekitar kita.
Meskipun sudah mempertimbangkan, mungkin saja masih dapat salah memilih.
Meskipun sudah tahu, mungkin saja masih tidak dapat menerima.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Stand Firm.

God bring me this far through moments that I wish I don't have to go through if I knew it my choice is so tough. But I will be guilty if I just sit in my comfort zone and missed the chance to improve my self just because I am afraid and faithless. What a dilemma.
This struggling with my own self, relationship, financial, and dreams just like never ending story.
People who usually be with me, one by one walking away from the circle, and it is normal.
Friendship sometime just seasonal and it is normal.
I financially not independent anyway and it influences everything (and it is normal).
The normality have driven me abnormal sometimes.
I hope all of this can be the exercise to stretch my faith.
Do the things not what I believe I can do but do the things that God believe I can do through Him.
I don't wanna be a person who wasting my potential just because I am afraid. Just because my feeling kills myself. I don't want to be a zombie who live but actually died. I want to be fully develop my self and not wasting my potential to be the best I can be. And I don't mind if God put people in my journey and walking together. But when the time is coming and I have to lose them, I may not lose my self.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Terlalu banyak janji yang terdengar.
Terlalu banyak orang yang berjanji.
Dan kekecewaan jauh lebih banyak dari apa yang dijanjikan.

Bagaimanapun, tetaplah tersenyum.
Semua ini pasti akan berujung kebaikan.

Bagaimanapun, tetaplah berdiri.
Tetap melangkah meski tak pasti.

Selama kekuatan itu masih ada.

Bangkit lagi.
Menata lagi.

another chapter.

After through a rough season of life - valley of darkness - I feel relief and can breath again.  I met someone a couple year ago. He seemed...