A right 'sign' to go

Crowded, dark, and windy.

That night I was behind a man who drive a motorbike.

We were going to my friend's office building in Kuningan.

I'm not a pretty much passenger who always look after the road. I trust the one who bring me to go. Trust is enough. Until something happen....

A car beside us hit the motorbike and bleed my foot.

I was shock, panic, scared.

I have seen so much accident, in the movie and also in real life, but I never wish that someday I will be the victim.

The car gave 'left' sign when the driver still wanted to go straight. How come a kind of`a very stupid person like that can get his driving license????? *mad mode on*

I don't mean to blame anyone. Really. 

I just want to thank God, I still have my foot here. 

This accident can be done not only in road but also in real life especially in love life. If you are now approaching someone or in a relationship, please give the true sign where you really want to go. Then people around you can understand what should they do. Go to the left, right, straight, or just... stop.

:)

February – Month of LOVE (Friendship Love)

Having a psychology issue always need more effort to have friends, even just a friend, or close friend(s). Blessed me, I have improved myself - when people around me with their kindness trying to get close to me, I brave enough to welcoming them!

At the first time, I think, “How if I look silly on their eyes?”

“How if they can’t accept my presence”

“What they will do with my unfunny joke?”

And proudly write a story about ‘How I met KamiKita’ to bomce, cinday, gadsam, aloince, dance, rince, and me also J here it goes:

If you all remember, it was a shining afternoon. I sat around you, guys. Waiting for class? Hmm, at first, YES! But… You all persuade me to skip the class for reasons! Hahaa. But it’s okay. I have another class with you all. An everlasting class of friendship starts from that day.

Before we left Hall C, I let you all know about my broken heart with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him in 14 February when people call it a day of love. Never mind, that is not my point anyway. Then we are all went to Plaza Semanggi to lunch, talking each other, window shopping, and forget about the class.

Day by day, we are getting closer. I know you all better. Maybe not closer just like you are all each other. But I thankful that you guys trust me enough to tell your secrets. And secret makes friend stronger.

Actually not only secret, every struggle we have, made us has more attachment. One day, I have a conflict with one of you. At that time, I though like this: “You don’t understand me. You are a very egoist person. Why in this earth there is a person like you? You are just like a heartless girl. You don’t deserve a friendship if you don’t appreciate your friend!”

Month by month, we didn’t contact. We just like a stranger, cold and uncaring, act like we didn’t know each other.

And sometime I blamed myself for that and though it would be better if I went out from all of you just like at first time. One of you, said, that was not totally because of me so then I didn’t need to walk out. 

Then, I stayed.

Finally, we met in one of our friend and you talk to me as usual just like nothing at all. Actually, I felt awkward at that moment. But deepest in my heart, I felt happy.

And now all is clear between us. No more angry, hate, or negative emotions.

She is now the only one who walks in when the others walk out. I proudly say that the one I thought my enemy is become my best friend.

For you all, you are the priceless gift from God. I’m glad we can meet and improve each other. Keep our friendship will last until we become grandma. Hahaha.

And to one of you that I don’t know where you are, please stay.

Just stay.

Stay.

Friends

I never thought before I have some amazing friends surround me.

To all my friends, I want to thank you for your support when I am down !!

Perhaps you even never know that the laugh we share each other heals me !

I love you ! I love you ! I love you !

I will (really, really, really) miss you, guys!

waktu dan kamu

Waktu yang lampau memang sudah berlalu tapi semua masih terbawa waktu
Selalu bersamaku kemanapun ku pergi
Kuanggap ini bukan hal yang negatif, ataupun positif Ini hanya reaksi netral yang dihasilkan dari reaksi masa kini dan harapan masa depan
Seperti jarum, menyakiti kedua pihak namun menyatukan
Atau mungkin seperti gunting yang memisahkan
Sesuatu yang indah yang tercipta meski tak selalu terungkap
Terbungkus sang waktu sehingga kita tidak dapat melihatnya

Me again :)

Hello It's me again. Missed me? Ok, berhubung kemampuan bahasa Inggris gua menurun, mari menggunakan bahasa Indonesia saja. Baiklah, setelah dilihat-lihat, ditimang-timang, dan diperhatikan, jumlah post di Blog di Bulan Oktober dan November sangat berbeda. Bukannya minat menulis yang menurun, hanya saja baiknya gua menambah perbendaharaan kata-kata atau belajar merangkai kata sehingga bisa menghasilkan kalimat yang seaktual-aktualnya. So, I'm Back. Yes, ME...! Gua gak pernah merasa senyaman ini. Feel free to be my self,both good and bad. So this is not only about me. This is about us. Perfectly together forever. :)

The answer

Finally I realize my last decision is wrong.
Differences is not about hating someone especially someone you love the most.
And guys, hating me will not make me stop loving you.
That's the very best decision I can make.
:)

Thank God

HAPPY \(^0^)/

"berdasarkan hasil rapat dari sidang skripsi kamu dan kompre maka kamu dinyatakan lulus"

kata dosen penguji satu sambil terlihat membereskan kertas-kertas yang ada di sekitarnya, tapi saat ia berkata 'lulus' pandangannya beralih kepadaku.


Perasaanku sangat lega, Sejujurnya sangat 'shock' karena beberapa hari sebelu sidang, aku mendengar ada temanku yang tidak lulus. Dengan proses pembuatan skripsi yang begitu rumit, susahnya bertemu dengan pembimbing, pendeknya waktu untuk menyusun analisis, sulitnya mencari subjek, masih adanya beberapa mata kuliah, dan hal-hal lainnya yang cukup berat aku alami dan membuat aku ragu apa aku dapat lulus Juli ini. 


I was keep on running for my theses and decided not to stop without knowing if it will finish in July.

Sambil harap-harap cemas menunggu hasil semester genap ini juga karena kalau ada satu saja mata kuliah yang tidak lulus berarti harus tunggu sidang sampai semester depan. Puji Tuhan, semuanya lulus dengan hasil yang memuaskan.


Beberapa hari kemudian aku mendapat kabar bahwa tanggal untuk sidang skripsiku sudah ditentukan 24 Juli 2012. Rasanya setiap harinya adalah perjuangan melawan rasa gelisah dan ragu. Aku sempatkan menginap di rumah Dhanie untuk belajar teori kepribadian bersama untuk sidang kedua setelah sidang skripsi. Di rumahnya, kami hanya sempat mempelajari tiga tokoh saja dari sekitar lima belas tokoh.


Aku kembali ke rumahku dan setiap hari aku mempelajari teori kepribadian tersebut sampai sebelum hari sidang. Tentu saja aku sudah membuat presentasi jauh sebelum hari sidang jadi aku tidak perlu memikirkan hal tersebut lagi. Aku hanya perlu mengecek semua slide-nya dan memastikan semua sudah lengkap.


Ruang Rapat lt.4 Jam 08.00-10.00. Dengan dosen penguji satu yang seorang Doktor dan dosen penguji dua yang merupakan seorang praktisi ilmu psikologi. Sempat beberapa menit aku protes sama Tuhan tetapi kemudian aku tersadar aku tidak boleh mengandalkan kekuatan siapapun kecuali Dia.


Malam sebelumnya banyak sekali yang mendukungku dengan mengirim pesan singkat, rekaman suara, mention di twitter, bbm atau bahkan bertemu langsung padaku. Semua itu membuatku merasa aku tidak sendiri melalui proses ini. Mereka sangat berjasa.


Aku tidak dapat tidur. Seberapapun aku berusaha.. Aku tidak dapat tidur nyenyak.


Jam empat pagi aku bersiap dan jam lima aku berangkat dari Bogor diantar oleh adikku dan ditemani ayahku. Sekitar jam 6 aku sudah ada di depan sekretariat. Bertemu dengan beberapa dosen. Mereka menyemangatiku dengan perkataannya. Aku berusaha untuk tetap santai. 


Ketika ingin mempersiapkan presentasi di ruangan sidang, aku melihat dosen penguji dua sedang membaca sesuatu yang aku duga adalah skripsiku. Sekitar jam tujuh aku mendengar dia berbincang dengan dosen penguji lain dan pembimbing kalau ternyata dia salah baca skripsi. Aku merasa tenang juga. karena dengan begitu aku berpikir bahwa ia tidak terlalu memahami skripsiku seutuhnya. Namun kenyataannya berbeda. Pada saat sidang, justru ia yang lebih banyak berbicara dibanding dosen penguji lain. Setelah melewati detik-detik menengangkan, aku harus melewati detik menegangkan lainnya yaitu sidang teori kepribadian. Bertolak belakang lagi dengan pemikiranku. Ternyata sidang teori kepribadian tidak sesulit yang aku bayangkan sebelumnya.

Setelah sidang selesai aku keluar ruangan dan mengabarkan berita gembira ini kepada ayah dan teman-temanku yang lainnya. Terima kasih, Tuhan. Fantastis!

the best man in every year

a man who never give up

Eventhough we are not so close I can feel you in my each step

You have your own way to show us how deep your love for us

I love you even when you are not around

and I want to make you proud

You don't talk so much
but you work too much
You keep everything alone and try not to make us worry
You know there's no perfect life but you've tried making our life to be easy
A very responsible man for your family

Thanks for teach me how to be tough
Thanks for teach me not to give up in every situation
Thanks for loving us so deeply
I'm sorry for a wrong thought about you
I thank God I have a dad like you

You know,
You always be the best..
The best.

I want the world to know that I have a very great dad.
I love you, dad.. Happy birthday. :*

Sedikit cerita di hari ini

Akhirnya gw tiba di hari yang banyak orang menulis di wall Facebook,

banyak bbm masuk, banyak sms, dan banyak mention twitter lebih dari biasanya...

Pada awalnya gw menyembunyikan hari ulang tahun gw. Dulu gw orangnya sangat idealis dan hampir tidak realistis tapi gw masih sadar kok.. Hahaha.. Gw pengennya orang-orang inget ulang tahun gw tanpa harus ada pengumuman di facebook bahwa hari ini 6 Mei 2012 seseorang yang bernama Cynthia Eveline sedang berulang tahun. But, well, that's so childish and not fair, karena gw aja gak hafal semua tanggal ulang tahun orang2 yang gw kenal.. Gw seneng kok diucapin "selamat ulang tahun" sama orang lain.

Inilah canggihnya media sosial yang satu itu. Bahkan orang yang pernah ngomong di dunia nyata sama gw ngucapin selamat ke gw.. Hahaha... rasanya kocak aja.. Lebih mudah berkomunikasi di dunia maya daripada di dunia nyata untuk masa-masa sekarang ini.

Hari ini gw senang. Meskipun hari ulang tahun hanya satu kali dalam setahun. Meskipun hari ini tinggal hari ini. Meskipun besok gw kuliah pagi. Meskipun skripsi gw belum selesai. Meskipun peralihan hari tadi gw lewati dengan mengerjakan laporan MMPI-2, meskipun ucapan selamat ulang tahun belum gw terima dari beberapa teman yang gw harapkan, meskipun semua tidak sesuai dengan imajinasi dan harapan gw.

Hari ini gw senang.

Hari ini gw senang karena 22 tahun yang lalu gw udah terlahir ke dunia ini untuk sampai nantinya gw bisa kembali ke tempat Bapa di Surga. Selama menunggu pulang, gw ga pengen kehadiran gw sia-sia di dunia ini.

Setiap tanggal ini terulang di setiap tahun..., selama gw belum pulang, setidaknya gw bisa memanfaat semua yang Bapa kasih dan percayakan sama gw for glorify His Name. Itu berarti no more stay in comfort zone and no more being lazy!!

Sebenarnya masih banyak yang mau gw ceritain tapi yaa post kali ini cukup sampai sini dulu.

Semoga malam ini bulan bisa bersinar dengan indahnya..

I'm the star

You are my Sun

Without You I have no light

- Cyevs

love is ... (5/5)

If you realize I jump to write post "love is ... (5/5)" It because I still prepare something for my post "love is ... (4/5)"  It is still secret... :P

Now, I want to write about lifemate here. And I used to think to write about exes. but when I think twice it's better if I write about future boyfriend who will be my husband rather than memories in the past, right..?? :D

Actually I haven't been close enough with any boy around. Sometime I think is there anyone who really fears the Lord, someone who really respects me as a woman, someone who's gonna responsible with his family, someone who's faithful, someone who can build a family based on God's words  ??

Being around with many boys who act like jerk I have thought that there's no any good man anymore >_<"

but I still have faith there's someone I've waited to find me who fulfill the criterias above (amen).

love is ... (3/5)

In my life, there are so many loveable people.

These people are the dearest:

my parents

Daddy and Mommy @ Disneyland

this girl

We fight sometime but it's ok. She has been my role mode so far. Proud of her!

 

and this boy also

My lil' bro. We use 'babytalk' when talking sometime xP

because we are family

cherish every moment

A time traveler's wife

Today I'm gonna share about the book that I've just been read. It's "a time traveler's wife'. I borrowed it from Aloi. Hihihi.. Thank you, Aloi. I will fullfill my promise to cover up your book with plastic when I return it to you.

For me the story is not really fantastic, but that's not bad. Fully imagination. I'm not gonna tell you what the story about. I'm sure there's a lot of review about this book. You can find it in another site.. xP

What I'm gonna write is qoute from that book that nice, emotionally, and some romantic words.. hohoho..

"It’s hard to be the one who stays. I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way. I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. Everything seems simple until you think about it.Why is love intensified by absence?"

“You still haven’t proved you’re real,” Clare says.“Neither have you.”“Do you ever wonder if I’m real?” she asks me, surprised.“Maybe I’m dreaming you. Maybe you’re dreaming me; maybe we only exist in each other’s dreams and every morning when we wake up we forget all about each other.” 

I don’t understand what just happened. That is, I understand but I don’t know what should I do about it“

But you make me happy. It’s living up to being happy that’s the difficult part.”

It’s so hard to stay mad at her when she is my familiar, lovely mama.

I try to keep the pleading out of my voice, to keep the anger that rises up in my throat from spilling into my words.

“Clare.”

“Henry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” 

father and daughter

As I told you, I have being accepted to work in the biggest private Bank in Indonesia, Bank Central Asia (BCA). And I just have finished my first job in Jogjakarta for 4 days 3 nights. I'm so thankful to God about these.. I mean.. I never thought I could through those wonderful moments there and all the things I've got there. It was really amazing.

That was my very first time flight without my parents' money with the best airline (Garuda Indonesia) in my Country, I stayed in the best Hotel, and I will receive my salary in next three weeks. Yiipppieee... xP

Actually, that's not really matter. The best part is finally I can make my parents proud of me.

I can see happiness in my parents' face. My dad couldn't even stop smiling. This is the first time I feel "the reason of my dad's happiness is me". I'm happy because he proud of me. Yeah.. I feel my dad never as glad as that moment before (because of me).

Why I'm so concerned about "me" and my dad's happiness?

As a middle child I often feel being ignored by him. I felt he cares and proud a lot with the oldest and my lil' brother. In karoness, boys became the successor of family (you know, patrilineal system) it makes him care a lot with my brother.  Maybe that was sibling jealousy.. xD... the worst was I felt I don't exist in my dad's eyes. I was hope my feeling is wrong.

Sorry, I'm such as a melancholy person. Hehehe.. 

I had lost my togetherness with my dad when I was teenager because He was so busy with his job. He was be a General Manager in TVRI. He said He tried to earn a lot of money for his family. But I need more than that. I need his time, he couldn't give it to me. You know, teenager was so difficult and he was not there. I was hate him unconsciously. I didn't know who he is.. and I blamed him for those things.

Words couldn't bring him change, anger is either

The only thing I could do was trying to forgive him, respect him as my dad, and praying for him.

After years, finally I realize.. I have a wrong thought about him..

I should proud of him. The happiness I have now is because his work hard.

I can have good friendships with my best friends because I can study in school and university..

and it was not cheap.. Even the job I've got is because I've study in one of the best University and he always pays my tuition bills on time even in time.

When I arrived home after work, He hugged me like said "I proud of you, my daughter"

I know he is a gift from God for me.. :')

He never ignore me, he just behind the scenes, the happines, and the success of me.

He may not a perfect man but I love him more than much...

-If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew- 7:11 NIV

heaven knows

This song is about representative my feeling now.

As my promise, I will never write any "galau" post, I guess it's ok to change it into a song xP

Oya, I have to change "she's" into "he's" on the lyrics since I'm a lady :P.

This song sing by  Rick Price.

And the video I take from youtube, I don't know who's playing but I guess He's from Philippines.

Enjoy it.

He's always on my mind from the time I wake up 'till I close my eyes

He's everywhere I go, He's all I know

And though he's far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday.

And even now he's gone I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

My friends keep tellin' me, that if you really love him, you've gotta set him free

And if he returns in time I know he's mine

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Why I live in despair..? 'Cause wide awake or dreaming, I know he's never there

And all this time I act so brave I'm shaking inside.

Why does it hurt me so . . .  ?

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

heaven knows...

heaven knows..

It’s like forgetting someone we never knew

There are many stories about breakup in fairly tale even in reality. I have some experiences about breakup as well. Separate with somebody like friends, relatives and people I love the most. I also have heard about my significant others’ separation with theirs lovely. I know what its like; I know how its feel. At first, it makes me getting afraid of separation when I get close with someone. But now I can see; It just a common thing in this life. Separation is not always bad. Separation is not anyone’s false; it just has to be happened. There are so many things we can learn from separation. In some cases, we can forget instantly about the people or the moment after separation.

In this Christmas, God reminds me that He never separate His Love from us; He can’t do it. As long as we are still breathing, He always tries getting closer to us even if we make Him disappointed. He loves us so much no matter how bad we are or how bad our life. This is different from what we do, sometimes, we just try getting closer to Him when we have problems we can’t solve its alone. We just try to seek Him when we need something we haven’t got. We often make mistakes. But no matter how many mistakes we have made, He never gives up on us. Separate His love from us it just like forgetting someone we never knew.

This Christmas, I want to thank God for never gives up on me. Thanks for loving unperfected me.

And all I want for Christmas is You, Lord. :)

"He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time - 2 Timothy 1:9 " 

what's best friend really mean?

Nowadays, I've been thinking about friendship. What is a friendship mean? What is a friend mean? and... What is a best friend mean?

Do you have a best friend? I'm sure everybody has friends, at least everybody has one, but maybe not everybody has a best friend.

In my life, I've been making so many friends and a few best friends. I can not get close either trust somebody easily. But I'm very welcome if somebody wanna be my friends.

But this one last year, I feel so different. I can get close to people easier than before and it makes me have more friends and more fun. I enjoy every moments I share with them. They are a gift from God.

Sometime, friendship works on me. But sometime, it doesn't.

I do a lot of things with friends. For me, friends are somebody whom I share time, things, feelings, minds, and many more with.

As an introvert, I've been being selective about "who the person that I can tell my privacy with". I'm sure that some extroverts do the same, but we do more. HAHA.. And I called the choosen as "best friend".

So far, I have about four best friends. Two of them are friends in college, one of them is my high school friend, and the another is a partner on sunday school.
And I was wrong to think about best friend.

I thought best friends MUST ALWAYS there when I NEED them.

I thought best friends MAY NOT leave me.

and when two of my best friends just have got their own boyfriend. Of course I'm happy for them but they are getting far from me.

I think they don't need me anymore, that's why I start to ignore them.

But I was WRONG. TOTALLY WRONG.

I just have reliazed that I should BE a best friend and NOT EXPECT someone being a best friend for me.

I'm so blessed that Jesus gives me so much examples. I learn from Him. Honestly, sometime I ignore Jesus presence in my life. Sometime I can't think clearly and become so busy with my own businesses.

I'm so thankful He always remember me all the ways. He always realize me when I'm getting far from Him. He teaches me how to love others with a genuine heart. Now I can understand how to BE a BEST FRIEND.

I have to provide my ears when they want to tell me about their problems even though they are not around when I need to tell them about mine.

I have to provide my hands to help them when they need it even though they are not around when I need theirs.

I have to cheer them up when they feel sad even though they are not around when I need to be cheer.

I have to be a shoulder to cry on when they feel so sad even though they are not around when I cry a lot.

Because Jesus do those things to me.. He never ignore me even though sometime I make Him sad. He is my best friend and I've been trying to be His best friend as well.

Thank you, Jesus. Now I see what a best friend really means :')

Slalu bersamaku - Giving My Best

Selalu bersamaku

(always with me)

Hanya Kau tempatku berlindungku

(You alone are my refuge)

Hanya Engkau laguku dan kekuatanku

(You alone are my song and my strength)

Izinkanlah ku datang menyembah, membawa syukurku

(Let me come to worship, bring my gratitude)

Sedalamnya hatiku Kau pun tahu

(You know about what the deepest in my heart)

dan kasih Mu tak jauh dalam jiwaku

(and Your love is not far from my soul)

Di dalam kesesakkan, di dalam kemenangan

(In tightness, in victory)

Ku tahu Engkau selalu bersamaku

(I know You are always with me)

The unforgettable of the last holiday..~

1. Passport tragedy

I've already told about it.

Actually I don't want to exlpain anything because they could only listen but they couldn't understand.

2. Disneyland

One of coolest place I've ever visited. I hope someday I will go to Disneyland again.

3. Shenzhen

I like almost nothing about Shenzhen. Especially the people and enviorments.

The people was not polite enough. Mereka nyerobot aja kalo lagi ngantri. Kesel banget..

and mostly they can't speak English. Itu sangat menghambat komunikasi.

Dan lingkungannya dong.. Jorok sangat... Di W.C aja ga disediain tissue. Grrr....~

4. Macau

Yaaayyy.. I love Macau. Barang original dan ga mahal. Dari yang ga suka shopping jadi suka shopping di sana. Hehehe.. ^^

5. The foods

tidak terlupakan bukan karena makanannya enak tapi justru karena tasteless.

100x lebih enak masakan Indonesia. haha..

dan yang ga biasanya, justru di sana kalau mau mineral water itu ada biaya tambahan. Di sana, apapun makanannya minumnya TEH. -_-"

katanya sih biar memperlancar pencernaan karena semua makanan di sana sepertinya mengandung unsur babi.. hehe..