Friday, January 20, 2012

A time traveler's wife

Today I'm gonna share about the book that I've just been read. It's "a time traveler's wife'. I borrowed it from Aloi. Hihihi.. Thank you, Aloi. I will fullfill my promise to cover up your book with plastic when I return it to you.
For me the story is not really fantastic, but that's not bad. Fully imagination. I'm not gonna tell you what the story about. I'm sure there's a lot of review about this book. You can find it in another site.. xP

What I'm gonna write is qoute from that book that nice, emotionally, and some romantic words.. hohoho..

"It’s hard to be the one who stays. I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way. I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. Everything seems simple until you think about it.Why is love intensified by absence?"
“You still haven’t proved you’re real,” Clare says.“Neither have you.”“Do you ever wonder if I’m real?” she asks me, surprised.Maybe I’m dreaming you. Maybe you’re dreaming me; maybe we only exist in each other’s dreams and every morning when we wake up we forget all about each other.” 
I don’t understand what just happened. That is, I understand but I don’t know what should I do about it
But you make me happy. It’s living up to being happy that’s the difficult part.”
It’s so hard to stay mad at her when she is my familiar, lovely mama.
I try to keep the pleading out of my voice, to keep the anger that rises up in my throat from spilling into my words.

“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” 

Thursday, January 12, 2012

father and daughter

As I told you, I have being accepted to work in the biggest private Bank in Indonesia, Bank Central Asia (BCA). And I just have finished my first job in Jogjakarta for 4 days 3 nights. I'm so thankful to God about these.. I mean.. I never thought I could through those wonderful moments there and all the things I've got there. It was really amazing.
That was my very first time flight without my parents' money with the best airline (Garuda Indonesia) in my Country, I stayed in the best Hotel, and I will receive my salary in next three weeks. Yiipppieee... xP

Actually, that's not really matter. The best part is finally I can make my parents proud of me.
I can see happiness in my parents' face. My dad couldn't even stop smiling. This is the first time I feel "the reason of my dad's happiness is me". I'm happy because he proud of me. Yeah.. I feel my dad never as glad as that moment before (because of me).

Why I'm so concerned about "me" and my dad's happiness?

As a middle child I often feel being ignored by him. I felt he cares and proud a lot with the oldest and my lil' brother. In karoness, boys became the successor of family (you know, patrilineal system) it makes him care a lot with my brother.  Maybe that was sibling jealousy.. xD... the worst was I felt I don't exist in my dad's eyes. I was hope my feeling is wrong.
Sorry, I'm such as a melancholy person. Hehehe.. 

I had lost my togetherness with my dad when I was teenager because He was so busy with his job. He was be a General Manager in TVRI. He said He tried to earn a lot of money for his family. But I need more than that. I need his time, he couldn't give it to me. You know, teenager was so difficult and he was not there. I was hate him unconsciously. I didn't know who he is.. and I blamed him for those things.

Words couldn't bring him change, anger is either

The only thing I could do was trying to forgive him, respect him as my dad, and praying for him.

After years, finally I realize.. I have a wrong thought about him..
I should proud of him. The happiness I have now is because his work hard.
I can have good friendships with my best friends because I can study in school and university..
and it was not cheap.. Even the job I've got is because I've study in one of the best University and he always pays my tuition bills on time even in time.

When I arrived home after work, He hugged me like said "I proud of you, my daughter"

I know he is a gift from God for me.. :')
He never ignore me, he just behind the scenes, the happines, and the success of me.

He may not a perfect man but I love him more than much...

-If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew- 7:11 NIV

Friday, January 6, 2012

Back to January !

Well guys, Happy New Year..!!

Some people have their resolutions for this year but I haven't. I kinda lazy using my brain to think hard.. Hahaha..
I rarely have holidays, just let me enjoy it.. Fyi, I have TWO MONTHS HOLIDAY...!!
I'm so excited and freak about holiday. But I'm going to make a quality holiday. I mean I wanna increase quality of my self like playing some instruments (piano, guitar, and violin). My ability in English is still poor. I often make a lot mistakes like technically writing, speaking an also vocabulary and
it makes wrong perception, assumptions, and misunderstanding with some people :( . Blogging is one of my effort to make it better. Ah yaa.., I wanna learn Japannase also this year, seriously. xP

One more information, I've got a job as a freelancer at BCA (Bank Central Asia). So excited about it as well.. The job desk is traveling and give test and give the score for candidat... and I'm going to Jogjakarta this Monday.. *kyaaaaa...~ Hahaha.. I've told you I'm freak about holiday.

Okay, enough about quality holiday.

Help to make my own resolutions for this year by reflect the past events..
Overall, I think I have been so much better than 2010. I've made a lot of move.
Hmm.. It's better to flash back about what big moments that happened in January - Desember 2011.

January -> confused about boyfriend (now he's an ex. xP)
February -> broke up with him (thank God !)
March -> be a pianist in General Church Service. There was a big promblem in big family and I couldn't forgive a man and his family.
April -> Talking with Pak Emil about forgiven. Then I decided to forgive that man and his family :)
May -> My birthday month.. xD
June -> my birthday celebration with my girls (dhanie, aloi, cindy, gadsam, rinane, bombina)
July -> my dad's, mom's, and brother's birthday.. :D
August -> Feeling so down but I can't tell you why. hihihii..
September -> Had a better mood, people around me support me all the way. thanks all.
October -> Move from dorm. Be a part of band, won the competition.
November -> Had a trip to Hong Kong, Shenzhen, and Macau.
December -> Christmas !

Hmm.. I guess I've told too much.. Haha.. Some of you maybe just leaving this page. xP

Ok, what I want to be this year are:
Always be thankful to God whatever happen, bad or good, lose or win, sad or happy.
Fight my fearness. NO MORE FEAR. NO MORE NERVOUS.
More flexible and open to others.

And what I want to do are:
Increase my TOEFL score, my piano playing, hmm.. what else..
FINISH my THESIS n GRADUATE...!  I want to increase  my GPA.
take MASTER program in my major.

what? about love life? Yeah, there was some guys trying to get closer. but I had no interest with 'em. but....
I had been abandoned with someone I interest with.. :( Sad, huh?
Hahaha.. Slow.. but sure.. I'm still praying about Mr. Right :D
believe that God prepare me and him 'till we are ready *God, please take him care*

Ok then, I think enough.. Other resolutions will be know by God only.
What about you? Don't hesitate to share it.

Have a bless year, guys.
God leads.
-in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:19 NIV-

heaven knows

This song is about representative my feeling now.
As my promise, I will never write any "galau" post, I guess it's ok to change it into a song xP
Oya, I have to change "she's" into "he's" on the lyrics since I'm a lady :P.
This song sing by  Rick Price.
And the video I take from youtube, I don't know who's playing but I guess He's from Philippines.
Enjoy it.

He's always on my mind from the time I wake up 'till I close my eyes
He's everywhere I go, He's all I know

And though he's far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday.
And even now he's gone I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...
And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.
And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

My friends keep tellin' me, that if you really love him, you've gotta set him free
And if he returns in time I know he's mine

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...
And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.
And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Why I live in despair..? 'Cause wide awake or dreaming, I know he's never there
And all this time I act so brave I'm shaking inside.

Why does it hurt me so . . .  ?

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...
And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.
And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...
And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.
And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

heaven knows...

heaven knows..

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


It feels good when I have nothing to do then my oldfriends text me and ask me out

And when I meet them I tell my self “they have changed”

I can see they look older, brighter, and smarter

The ways they are talking turn into more mature

A friend talks about his academic problems

Another talk so excited about his first girlfriend

We talk about others side of life

Sometime we memorized about we have been through
And laugh a lot

There’s only one that doesn’t change

The way we make jokes in our togetherness

And I'm so happy when one of them suddenly comes with a friend to my home ask me 
to help him learn riding a bike

I do it with pleasure because I feel it’s an honor to coach my friend

Even though we never promise we will always be friends forever to each other,
We know,

 "We will..."

another chapter.

After through a rough season of life - valley of darkness - I feel relief and can breath again.  I met someone a couple year ago. He seemed...