I will (really, really, really) miss you, guys!

Dua hari untuk selamanya :)

Apa yang dapat kamu lakukan dalam waktu dua hari dengan orang-orang yang kamu sayangi?
Apa yang ingin kamu wujudkan ketika kamu memiliki sisa waktu 48 jam dengan mereka?

Kami dapat berenang bersama. Menikmati setiap percikan air yang menyentuh kulit.
Kami dapat berjemur di bawah terik matahari dan merasakan kehangatannya.
Kemudian terkejut karena perubahan warna kulit kami.
Setelah itu aku menyadari bahwa kehangatan memang membawa perubahan :)
Kami dapat bernyanyi bersama. Membuat melodi-melodi indah seperti kenangan kami.
Kami dapat tertawa bersama bahkan pada hal-hal yang sebenarnya tidak lucu.
Kami menikmati malam bersama
dan dengan lugu memesan makanan dengan rasa pedas yang tidak tertahankan.
Kami tidur bersama-sama dan terkejut saat terbangun karena melihat wajah yang lain tepat di depan wajah kami.

Saat kami kehilangan arah untuk menentukan tujuan, kami selalu kembali ke awal dimana semua dimulai.

Ketika detik-detik terakhir akan terlewati, yakinlah itu bukan yang terakhir.

Doa akan tetap mempersatukan ketika bahkan ketika jarak memisahkan kita.
Doa adalah cara kita memeluk dari jauh...

I'm gonna miss our togetherness, guys..
(I already miss it)

:")

mencari jalan pulang

Perlahan mulai terlihat pelangi dari hujan badai semester delapan. Kelas, skripsi, persahabatan... semua yang berhasil membuat air mataku akhirnya jatuh juga. Perlahan aku mulai merasa bahagia dengan pilihan-pilihan yang aku buat sendiri. Perlahan aku menyadari bahwa semua yang aku alami tidak lain hanya untuk membuatku dewasa. 

Namun rasanya aneh. Ketika pelangi muncul, aku terlampau gembira. Hilang kendali. Pegangan hidup yang aku tetapkan mulai mengalami banyak kompromi. Semua sudah selesai pikirku,tak ada lagi yang harus kupikirkan. Saatnya bersenang-senang - dengan caraku..

Ibaratnya seperti ini..

Ketika mobil berjalan di daerah terjal, sang supir akan sangat berhati-hati, membuka matanya lebar-lebar agar tidak mengalami kecelakaan. Sangat berbeda bila di jalan tol. Sang supir cenderung lebih cepat mengantuk dan ketika itu terjadi, potensi kecelakaan makin tinggi.

Aku memang gembira dengan semua yang terjadi, tentu saja. Tapi aku hilang arah...

Itu membuatku merasa hampa. kosong.

Aku tidak mau tersesat lebih jauh lagi dan terjebak dalam kehampaan ini...

forgetting dreams

Hello guys. How are you? It has been a long time I haven't been writting a post. It because my internet is very bad and can't connect when I want to use it. Poor me.. -,-"

for your information, I will have my judgment day on next Tuesday. It means about 6 days for preparation. Thanks for all people, all prayers for me so I can go this far...

While waiting the day, I do some useless things  like reading my favorite comic: 'detektif conan', wacthing tv, daydream, and sleeping...

'till I know I will be a pianist in Church Service for twice, in the morning and evening..

I just feeling o.O" down...

I feel I don't have any talent in music but God gives me that ability to learn piano, guitar, and violin.

I regret why I can't use time to explore them.. :( 

not only in music.... almost everything that God has given to me.

I haven't do so much with them...

time, study, and so on...

I haven't given the best yet.

and it makes me so useless.

I wrote about dream... but not anymore..

I forget about giving the best.

I forget about my dreams.

I forget about my wishes

I forget about eveything.

I guess I need take a pen and write again my dreams then take it in my room.

I just hope - before I close my eyes forever I can do the best for the people around me, for the nation, for the world... 

"Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings." - Rick Warren

can't be move?

hmm.. I wonder why I still writing a galau post.
Uh-huh.. maybe some of you think I'm an unstable, immature, and have an irrational thought.. Frankly, I am.
Everytime I want to move on there's a moment that make me stuck on this comfort zone..
It should be my weakness: Once I love someone, it will be forever.
I call it weakness because... love makes me weak.. give up to others.
But, I don't want to be like this forever... I'm sure love is make you strong not make you weak, right?

Promise (again), I will never write any galau post...!! note it...!!

Where are you?

This brain just like video tape.

When I sit, lay, walk, and whatever I do, sometime my brain plays some part of past.

Some bitter, some sweet.

And I just keep go on in the present because I can't go back to the past fixing my mistakes and going forward to the future either.

O.. how I miss your presences, JTEC.

You were there when I am down.

I was here when you need to share your feeling, good or bad.

and I enjoyed listening to you.

Why you have to dissapear and not giving me any clue to find you? 

I'm glad if you find your own way now, but sad we don't talking anymore..

You are my friend and always will be..

heaven knows

This song is about representative my feeling now.

As my promise, I will never write any "galau" post, I guess it's ok to change it into a song xP

Oya, I have to change "she's" into "he's" on the lyrics since I'm a lady :P.

This song sing by  Rick Price.

And the video I take from youtube, I don't know who's playing but I guess He's from Philippines.

Enjoy it.

He's always on my mind from the time I wake up 'till I close my eyes

He's everywhere I go, He's all I know

And though he's far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday.

And even now he's gone I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

My friends keep tellin' me, that if you really love him, you've gotta set him free

And if he returns in time I know he's mine

So tell me where do I start cause it's breaking my heart. Don't wanna let him go...~

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Why I live in despair..? 'Cause wide awake or dreaming, I know he's never there

And all this time I act so brave I'm shaking inside.

Why does it hurt me so . . .  ?

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...

And maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.

And all I can do is hope and pray... 'cause heaven knows...

heaven knows...

heaven knows..

what's best friend really mean?

Nowadays, I've been thinking about friendship. What is a friendship mean? What is a friend mean? and... What is a best friend mean?

Do you have a best friend? I'm sure everybody has friends, at least everybody has one, but maybe not everybody has a best friend.

In my life, I've been making so many friends and a few best friends. I can not get close either trust somebody easily. But I'm very welcome if somebody wanna be my friends.

But this one last year, I feel so different. I can get close to people easier than before and it makes me have more friends and more fun. I enjoy every moments I share with them. They are a gift from God.

Sometime, friendship works on me. But sometime, it doesn't.

I do a lot of things with friends. For me, friends are somebody whom I share time, things, feelings, minds, and many more with.

As an introvert, I've been being selective about "who the person that I can tell my privacy with". I'm sure that some extroverts do the same, but we do more. HAHA.. And I called the choosen as "best friend".

So far, I have about four best friends. Two of them are friends in college, one of them is my high school friend, and the another is a partner on sunday school.
And I was wrong to think about best friend.

I thought best friends MUST ALWAYS there when I NEED them.

I thought best friends MAY NOT leave me.

and when two of my best friends just have got their own boyfriend. Of course I'm happy for them but they are getting far from me.

I think they don't need me anymore, that's why I start to ignore them.

But I was WRONG. TOTALLY WRONG.

I just have reliazed that I should BE a best friend and NOT EXPECT someone being a best friend for me.

I'm so blessed that Jesus gives me so much examples. I learn from Him. Honestly, sometime I ignore Jesus presence in my life. Sometime I can't think clearly and become so busy with my own businesses.

I'm so thankful He always remember me all the ways. He always realize me when I'm getting far from Him. He teaches me how to love others with a genuine heart. Now I can understand how to BE a BEST FRIEND.

I have to provide my ears when they want to tell me about their problems even though they are not around when I need to tell them about mine.

I have to provide my hands to help them when they need it even though they are not around when I need theirs.

I have to cheer them up when they feel sad even though they are not around when I need to be cheer.

I have to be a shoulder to cry on when they feel so sad even though they are not around when I cry a lot.

Because Jesus do those things to me.. He never ignore me even though sometime I make Him sad. He is my best friend and I've been trying to be His best friend as well.

Thank you, Jesus. Now I see what a best friend really means :')