for a friend out there

Don't cry and let me hug you.

I know you are trying your hardest.

Thank God

HAPPY \(^0^)/

"berdasarkan hasil rapat dari sidang skripsi kamu dan kompre maka kamu dinyatakan lulus"

kata dosen penguji satu sambil terlihat membereskan kertas-kertas yang ada di sekitarnya, tapi saat ia berkata 'lulus' pandangannya beralih kepadaku.


Perasaanku sangat lega, Sejujurnya sangat 'shock' karena beberapa hari sebelu sidang, aku mendengar ada temanku yang tidak lulus. Dengan proses pembuatan skripsi yang begitu rumit, susahnya bertemu dengan pembimbing, pendeknya waktu untuk menyusun analisis, sulitnya mencari subjek, masih adanya beberapa mata kuliah, dan hal-hal lainnya yang cukup berat aku alami dan membuat aku ragu apa aku dapat lulus Juli ini. 


I was keep on running for my theses and decided not to stop without knowing if it will finish in July.

Sambil harap-harap cemas menunggu hasil semester genap ini juga karena kalau ada satu saja mata kuliah yang tidak lulus berarti harus tunggu sidang sampai semester depan. Puji Tuhan, semuanya lulus dengan hasil yang memuaskan.


Beberapa hari kemudian aku mendapat kabar bahwa tanggal untuk sidang skripsiku sudah ditentukan 24 Juli 2012. Rasanya setiap harinya adalah perjuangan melawan rasa gelisah dan ragu. Aku sempatkan menginap di rumah Dhanie untuk belajar teori kepribadian bersama untuk sidang kedua setelah sidang skripsi. Di rumahnya, kami hanya sempat mempelajari tiga tokoh saja dari sekitar lima belas tokoh.


Aku kembali ke rumahku dan setiap hari aku mempelajari teori kepribadian tersebut sampai sebelum hari sidang. Tentu saja aku sudah membuat presentasi jauh sebelum hari sidang jadi aku tidak perlu memikirkan hal tersebut lagi. Aku hanya perlu mengecek semua slide-nya dan memastikan semua sudah lengkap.


Ruang Rapat lt.4 Jam 08.00-10.00. Dengan dosen penguji satu yang seorang Doktor dan dosen penguji dua yang merupakan seorang praktisi ilmu psikologi. Sempat beberapa menit aku protes sama Tuhan tetapi kemudian aku tersadar aku tidak boleh mengandalkan kekuatan siapapun kecuali Dia.


Malam sebelumnya banyak sekali yang mendukungku dengan mengirim pesan singkat, rekaman suara, mention di twitter, bbm atau bahkan bertemu langsung padaku. Semua itu membuatku merasa aku tidak sendiri melalui proses ini. Mereka sangat berjasa.


Aku tidak dapat tidur. Seberapapun aku berusaha.. Aku tidak dapat tidur nyenyak.


Jam empat pagi aku bersiap dan jam lima aku berangkat dari Bogor diantar oleh adikku dan ditemani ayahku. Sekitar jam 6 aku sudah ada di depan sekretariat. Bertemu dengan beberapa dosen. Mereka menyemangatiku dengan perkataannya. Aku berusaha untuk tetap santai. 


Ketika ingin mempersiapkan presentasi di ruangan sidang, aku melihat dosen penguji dua sedang membaca sesuatu yang aku duga adalah skripsiku. Sekitar jam tujuh aku mendengar dia berbincang dengan dosen penguji lain dan pembimbing kalau ternyata dia salah baca skripsi. Aku merasa tenang juga. karena dengan begitu aku berpikir bahwa ia tidak terlalu memahami skripsiku seutuhnya. Namun kenyataannya berbeda. Pada saat sidang, justru ia yang lebih banyak berbicara dibanding dosen penguji lain. Setelah melewati detik-detik menengangkan, aku harus melewati detik menegangkan lainnya yaitu sidang teori kepribadian. Bertolak belakang lagi dengan pemikiranku. Ternyata sidang teori kepribadian tidak sesulit yang aku bayangkan sebelumnya.

Setelah sidang selesai aku keluar ruangan dan mengabarkan berita gembira ini kepada ayah dan teman-temanku yang lainnya. Terima kasih, Tuhan. Fantastis!

forgetting dreams

Hello guys. How are you? It has been a long time I haven't been writting a post. It because my internet is very bad and can't connect when I want to use it. Poor me.. -,-"

for your information, I will have my judgment day on next Tuesday. It means about 6 days for preparation. Thanks for all people, all prayers for me so I can go this far...

While waiting the day, I do some useless things  like reading my favorite comic: 'detektif conan', wacthing tv, daydream, and sleeping...

'till I know I will be a pianist in Church Service for twice, in the morning and evening..

I just feeling o.O" down...

I feel I don't have any talent in music but God gives me that ability to learn piano, guitar, and violin.

I regret why I can't use time to explore them.. :( 

not only in music.... almost everything that God has given to me.

I haven't do so much with them...

time, study, and so on...

I haven't given the best yet.

and it makes me so useless.

I wrote about dream... but not anymore..

I forget about giving the best.

I forget about my dreams.

I forget about my wishes

I forget about eveything.

I guess I need take a pen and write again my dreams then take it in my room.

I just hope - before I close my eyes forever I can do the best for the people around me, for the nation, for the world... 

"Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings." - Rick Warren

he never sleep by don moen

When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer in on it's way
Our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful


And He never sleeps He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak He becomes stronger
So rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him


Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten our need
Just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
Our God is able
He is mighty He is faithful 

It's Okay. I pray you'll be recover soon.

Do you remember about my post days ago about gratitude?
am trying to do it. Espcesially today.
I'm tired of complaint. It doesn't change anything but exhausted mentally.

Today I have an appointment with my thesis advisor at 2 p.m in Campus.
So I went to Campus, you know by what? of course train... but... what make it special is I take ecomy class train because I don't want to be late and the fisrt train is the economy one ..

If you live in States, Japan, Aussie, Singapore, or other developed countries there will be no worry take the economy.. but in Indonesia... *sigh* just look the picture

economy class train

There was no more empty chair so I stand up.. a lot of smoking people there. I thank to the Lord for He let me sit in Stasiun Cilebut (next railway station after Stasiun Bogor). And.. I fell a sleep 'till Stasiun Sudirman.

Finally I arrived in Campus. I sent my thesis advisor a text message, told her I already in front of her room. No response.
After an hour, I had got a text message from her.. She said she did send me text message in the morning, told me she has a fever, need take some rest, and can't go to Campus. She really sorry and apologize about that.
I only replied: "It's okay, ma'am. I pray you'll be recover soon."


Yeah.. I learned to praise the Lord whatever the situation.
So I decided to go home by train but I must take transJakarta to reach Stasiun Cawang.
I bought the ticket. SUDDENLY my chairmate on Junior high school sent me bbm. She said she want to mourn our junior high school teacher. I said to her that I still in Jakarta, in front of Plaza Semanggi. She said she was in front of Plaza Semanggi too. She asked me to join her, back to Bogor by her car. WHAT A MIRACLE.

We talked about many things. She encouraged me to learn english more and more. She asked me to play piano in her new restaurant. After that, we went to Sinar Kasih, mourned.

I learned how to be thankful in any conditions. I learned how to not give up. I learned how to save friendship as well.

Thank God for this beatiful day. This is only by Your Grace.

T I M E

8.54 am
I'm at computer room library in Catholic University of Atma Jaya, Jakarta. I went to Campus with super crowded passengers in train. Sleepy. Stand up. And so hard to take a breath. Last night I slept at 12.00 am and this morning I woke up at 5.30 am. And it just too early to be here. My class start on 11.00 am and I have already been here at 8.00 am. I don't know what's on my mind exactly. Why I can't remember my counseling class schedule? Yeah, I will learn to be a great counselor in the class but I'm so sure, I'm the one who need counseling. HA-HA. I am the one who exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Why time goes so fast?
Now, every second feels so precious for me.
In about four months I MUST pass the classes (hopefully with the best score), mastering ALL the personality theories, finish my thesis and also mastering it for the judgment day in July.
I should practice my piano playing. It is also important for me.
And another activities and obligations that I have to live.

 
But I want to be thankful. Praise the Lord. Almighty God. For He never leave me alone. He reminds me to be still. And show me the way on this morning with someone who I met in the lift :)

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4 NLT)
I should not only be joyful in good times but also when time are tough.

faith of the twelve baskets

Happy Sunday!!

Yesterday I got a text message from other sunday school teacher. She asked me to substitute her to be a praise and worship leader in batita (under three years old) class. Then this morning I was there. Batita class is the most difficult class. It is avoided by other teachers. It because you can be ignored by the babies whatever you do in front of the class. But it is not always bad in that class. The babies are cute and some of them have already be able to sing even though with their little voices.

The preacher told a story about one of some miracles of Jesus Christ.
It is about five breads and two fishes. I'm sure if you are a Christian you have repeatedly heard this story.
What this story makes so special for me today is:
I am reminded that nothing is impossible for God.

I'm still in progress doing my thesis. Sometimes I worry because it's difficult to get the subjects with some criterias of my research. So far the criterias are ex drug abusers and have been rehabilitated.
And I don't know who is going to be the subjects. Simply, I choose this topic because one of relatives had rehabilitated in National Narcotics Board Republic of Indonesia.
Honestly, I don't even know who she is. All I know that she comes from Medan, North Sumatra.
My family wanna help me to get some informations what I need for my research from her.
Before it's done, she has already gone to her hometown. :(

I've twice change the topic and I don't wanna change it again.
I still praying to God to show me, better I change the topic again (actually I don't wanna change it) or I will continue this topic (this is what I want).

I believe even though I don't know who will be the subjects of my research, I'm sure God will help me with unpredictable miracle.
I remember in the 3,5 years, He always help me to find subjects for every projects. I should no worry.
I do what I can do, He will do what I can't do.


Like five breads and two fishes be blessed and was eaten by 5.000 people leftover twelve basket, He can do more than I can do and think.


"Father, please help me to never be afraid for the impossible. Amen"


... and I'm going to eat fried fish right now :9