June, you remind me about my childhood.

It's June already.
Yes, don't be surprise. We are in the middle of the year now.
I am pretty excited about what will happen for I am sure there will be many struggles ahead and I believe in every struggle I will see God's grace and His kindness that brings goodness.

So I want to share about one of struggles-miracles phase in my life.
Hopefully you remember about the last post when I wrote about the self-development program from Campus. I take a chance for an extension session in weekday- counseling. Today.
Personally I did not make any preparation, what to tell, what to complain about, or else.
I just try to figure out what trait of me that possible to be the obstacle in my internship.
At first, this is it: moody. Predictable, isn't it?
She helps me find ways no to be moody anymore.. I think I can try it anyway.
And I do not know why, I could not hold my tongue to share about a part of my childhood and remember what I had been through. If you want to know, my childhood was terrible.

Kinda what I feel when I was a kid. 

                             
I talk to my counselor: "Ma'am, I..was... a terrible person, a difficult person... Maybe I had all the disorders in the DSM.. I had commit suicide three times without no one knew. I could hide all my feeling and pretending everything was going fine. Without no one knew. Yes, without no one knew. I didn't have a childhood life that every child dreaming of. But if I see my life now... I am amazed.. that I have grown up to be a strong young lady."

"The only person you need to compare yourself to is who you have been.
The only person you need to be better than is who you are now." 

Throwing back my childhood always feels like God has been exposing my uncountable sin and also my weakness, yet show me how His faithfulness that always change me to be better continuously and how His unending love never fails work on me.. I believe that struggle-miracles phase is one of some ways how God wants us to be surrender at Him, depend on no one but Him.

God doesn't waste anything.
You are not defined by your past. You are prepared by your past. 

It makes me do not want to stop chasing the calling that He has put on me as a (soon to be) psychologist. Knowing that I have a privilege to do a part of His great plan for anyone whom He will send to me, even when it seems impossible and beyond my ability..

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

New Chapter in my life

Be ready for reading a loonggg post. I owe so many adventures to be written but sadly I just can share some of my adventures in this post.
Last month, all of my lectures said "this semester holiday is gonna your 'last holiday'".
Knowing that it will be my 'last holiday' I asked my parents to take me with them to Jambi. Why Jambi? My parents have forestry there for about 10 years and still counting, but I haven't see it yet. Finally, here we are!

The Car we usually use in the forest.

Me and the stuff.

A house in the middle of forest.

I walked for hectares trying to see the whole forest but I can't, too tired. It is literally tropical forest. I mean, a lot of big trees, very hot, strange insects, and so on that I can't see in the city. My parents told me how they spent days there to control the situation and I am amazed how God gives them strength, wisdom, and spirit to operate all the things. I never regrets spent my about four days holiday there.

After Jambi, I went to Depok and had spent 3 days 2 nights with my college friends. My seniors said it will be full of tears and drama. The truth is, I had have fun! Oh yeah, there was a little tears but no drama. 

Rombongan Tangerang

Rombongan kampus

Rombongan Jakarta Barat

Rombongan kampus

Rombongan Jakarta Utara

>_< Bunnted >_<

FULL TEAM!

Obviously I am gonna miss this time because there is a lil' chance to us to gathering full team in years ahead. Have a full team gathering means the end of the semester, means it will be full of internship for the next a year, means the grade point will be known. And yes, two days ago I just have known my grade point... You know whattt... It was really, really unpredictable. My grade point is increased drastically. I don't expect my grade point will be increase because I know, my last semester (and my life) was tough. Even the grade point is higher more than what my academic adviser and I set in the beginning of semester. I really thanking God for this.

And the very great news is, one of my task, is will be published in the Academic Journal. Seriously...... I still can't believe it. I made the paper with my other three friends, and we are all so happy! And also, I really thanking God for this.

This is only by His Grace! He shows me the work of His hand in my life and others. 

I really ready face my new adventure with God!  

Birthday wish :)

It is 25 years. We have been through it, God. I thank you for every second in my life, you never leave me alone. I think I don't deserve to make a wish for your love that you have given in my life is more than enough. But if I could, this is my birthday wish:

              

 

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright

To see how it gets in the blood

And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride

And found a little is not quite enough

I know how I can stray

And how fast my heart could change

Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You

I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies

To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray

And how fast my heart could change

Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You

'Cause everything is a lesser thing

Compared to You, compared to You

'Cause everything is a lesser thing

Compared to You so I surrender all...

Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You

Oh, filled with You, empty me

Beneath your beautiful

Randy Pausch

Dear Randy Pausch,
I know it is too late to write a letter for you. And I know, you will never read this letter that I wrote. You might be now somewhere only God and you - yourself knew. But I could not hold my hand to type these word by word to express my feeling and my gratitude how blessed I am by your book. Your books has been being my friend in this week. I understand your purpose to bless others as much as possible with your life - I am sure you accomplish it, you just add one person, and it is me.
I thank God for letting me read your book, thank God for letting you finish this book. You teach me about the bricks in front of me now. You tell me that the bricks are not to make us do not see things what we want to get, the bricks are to show us how bad we want the things. You tell me to not give up on our childhood dreams and how you work with it.
What I really love about your book is you. Instead of writing wisdom words, I love your way when you show that you do not let your pancreatic cancer -your 3-6 month left living- is not steal your spirit to leave. You teach me to treat the disease not the symptom. You show me that we never accomplish our success by our own self. It is need others. And recognize their kindness is a part of our successful journey.
Thank you, Randy Pausch, for help me to see my self through your perspective of living. And you close your book with the statement that I need the most this time.
"It's not achieve your dreams. It's about to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you."
For right now I failed to achieve some of dreams, and dying with them, I almost have no courage to live my life again. But I need to die with the memories, not me, not the dreams. I have to stand up again. Lead my life right way, and God will take care the whole things. The dreams will come to me.


Dear Jai and the children,
Jai, you surely have a very incredible husband. Dylan, Logan, Chloe, you all are winning the parent lottery, just like your dad had. I pray for each of you, you can be what you want to be, just like Randy wish for you all. I really would like to meet you all and talk about something meaningful life to encourage people to live their life - to be what they are want to be.

Dear Jeffrey Zaslow,
You are the best!


With all my respect to your family,
Cynthia Eveline

How Can I Keep From Singing? by Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song, Echoes in my soul, I hear the music ring,
And though the storms may come, I am holding on to the rock I cling.

How can I keep from singing your praise?
How can I ever say enough how amazing is Your love...
How can I keep from shouting Your Name?
I know I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing.

I will lift my eyes in the darkest night for I know my Savior lives.

And I will walk with You.
Knowing You'll see me through and sing the songs You give.

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step and fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up

Sing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord, when I call to You in prayer.

I can sing with my last breath,

Sing for I know that I'll sing with the angels and the saints around the throne..

April

What...? It's April already?
Can't believe three months has passed in this year.
I feel like running so fast with days.