Counting days to my birthday. Frankly, I’m feeling so old. I
do not know why.
I assume it due to heavy days I through in last 5 months. What
kind of heavy days?
When you sure with all your faith to get something but in
the end of the day all you have got is nothing. You feel disappointed, desperate,
hating the circumstance. The fact seems destroy all faith you had once before.
That’s what I felt.
My faith seems disappeared. I tried to cover all my sadness
behind my smile, my laugh. I tried to find things that can make me happy
because crying didn’t help anymore. For example: Eat. My weight increased!! It
makes another unexpected problem xD
I spend times hang out with new friends just to trying
something different, other kind of fun, but I guess it did not work as well.
I began being a selfish person just to make my mood better, getting
my happy self back, and to get the faith I used to have before.
But again… It didn’t work.
Today, my father helps me to remember what kind of faith I
had once. It was on my Senior High School. It held a final examination. When
everybody planned to cheat, I stand up and said, “I’ll try my best. I trust on
you, God. I know you help me to pass this test.” Thank God. In that time, God
helps me and I passed without any cheat. My father said he was really proud of
me in that time.
In that time, God says “yes” for my request.
In this time, God says “no” for my request.
I know, now the problem is: Will I still count on Him? Will
I still trust on Him?
For the last 5 months my disappointed answer was “No. Hard
to believe in you anymore, God. You didn’t let me get what You put in front of
my eyes. How come I still trust You?”
But today God answer me with Isaiah 55: 8-13 (NIV)
“For my thoughts are
not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts.
As the rain and the
snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower. And bread
for the eater.
So is my word that
goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish
what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before
you, and all the trees of field will clap their hands.
Instead of the
thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be
destroyed.
Those words make me feel guilty and shame for feeling disappointed
and I ask for forgiveness at this.
So now, if God ask me one more time if I still trust on Him,
I answer: Yes, LORD.
I give Him a give in singing with my simple voice and my guitar
playing (the back sound ‘woof. Woof’ is my dog’s voice xD). Click here to listen :)
