The invisible hand

I believe of the invisible hand that open the door I cannot see. 

Did you know?

The dreams and my screams

Have you ever feel disappointed? I bet the feeling is worse than mad. Disappoint is when your expectation is so much bigger than the fact.

I feel disappointed for about two months. I am in the prison of disappointed, in the prison that I have made for myself. But now.. I am no longer want to be in that prison.. 

I don't want to force myself to smile when my heart don't... I don't like pretending I am okay when I am not. I am tired of tears, disappointed, feeling bad.

It's time to raise up. To realize that this life is too precious to be wasted.

There is still a lot of dreams that I want to reach...

A right 'sign' to go

Crowded, dark, and windy.

That night I was behind a man who drive a motorbike.

We were going to my friend's office building in Kuningan.

I'm not a pretty much passenger who always look after the road. I trust the one who bring me to go. Trust is enough. Until something happen....

A car beside us hit the motorbike and bleed my foot.

I was shock, panic, scared.

I have seen so much accident, in the movie and also in real life, but I never wish that someday I will be the victim.

The car gave 'left' sign when the driver still wanted to go straight. How come a kind of`a very stupid person like that can get his driving license????? *mad mode on*

I don't mean to blame anyone. Really. 

I just want to thank God, I still have my foot here. 

This accident can be done not only in road but also in real life especially in love life. If you are now approaching someone or in a relationship, please give the true sign where you really want to go. Then people around you can understand what should they do. Go to the left, right, straight, or just... stop.

:)

February – Month of LOVE (Friendship Love)

Having a psychology issue always need more effort to have friends, even just a friend, or close friend(s). Blessed me, I have improved myself - when people around me with their kindness trying to get close to me, I brave enough to welcoming them!

At the first time, I think, “How if I look silly on their eyes?”

“How if they can’t accept my presence”

“What they will do with my unfunny joke?”

And proudly write a story about ‘How I met KamiKita’ to bomce, cinday, gadsam, aloince, dance, rince, and me also J here it goes:

If you all remember, it was a shining afternoon. I sat around you, guys. Waiting for class? Hmm, at first, YES! But… You all persuade me to skip the class for reasons! Hahaa. But it’s okay. I have another class with you all. An everlasting class of friendship starts from that day.

Before we left Hall C, I let you all know about my broken heart with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him in 14 February when people call it a day of love. Never mind, that is not my point anyway. Then we are all went to Plaza Semanggi to lunch, talking each other, window shopping, and forget about the class.

Day by day, we are getting closer. I know you all better. Maybe not closer just like you are all each other. But I thankful that you guys trust me enough to tell your secrets. And secret makes friend stronger.

Actually not only secret, every struggle we have, made us has more attachment. One day, I have a conflict with one of you. At that time, I though like this: “You don’t understand me. You are a very egoist person. Why in this earth there is a person like you? You are just like a heartless girl. You don’t deserve a friendship if you don’t appreciate your friend!”

Month by month, we didn’t contact. We just like a stranger, cold and uncaring, act like we didn’t know each other.

And sometime I blamed myself for that and though it would be better if I went out from all of you just like at first time. One of you, said, that was not totally because of me so then I didn’t need to walk out. 

Then, I stayed.

Finally, we met in one of our friend and you talk to me as usual just like nothing at all. Actually, I felt awkward at that moment. But deepest in my heart, I felt happy.

And now all is clear between us. No more angry, hate, or negative emotions.

She is now the only one who walks in when the others walk out. I proudly say that the one I thought my enemy is become my best friend.

For you all, you are the priceless gift from God. I’m glad we can meet and improve each other. Keep our friendship will last until we become grandma. Hahaha.

And to one of you that I don’t know where you are, please stay.

Just stay.

Stay.

Ugly truth

Truth. Never always make a smile upon your face. It often hurts you. However, I prefer a bitter truth than a sweat lie.

Truth. Although it hurts, you still have choices. You can be bitter or raise up.

The truth sometime makes me blame myself. If only I could turn back the time maybe the truth couldn't be that bad.

If only I could fix it. 

In fact, the truth is out of my control.

I just wish everything would be better.

Lost in the rain

Everything has changed!

Dreams, wishes, hope. They seems disappear in this early year. 

That is exactly not a good sign. That is why I write this post. I want to announce the world that I will not stop even it means I will be go in ways that I never imagine before.

And through this post, I will let you know that I have accepted in Magister of Psychology of Atma Jaya.

I am so excited . This is my dreams since I was in Junior High School. My dreams to be a Clinician finally only a step ahead!

Everybody knows it is not easy to reach dreams. Yes! In the very first way reaching my dreams, I've got my first challenge. I have been very struggle with this challenge. Really. My big dreams crush with another small dream that I wanted so much as well. People may tell me that I should leave my big dreams because it needs more efforts and time rather than my small dream but give me much happiness. And I had been agree for awhile.

Praise the Lord, He opens my eyes.

Great things never come easy. When you easy to be happy of something, be careful, maybe your happiness will leave you quickly. Easy come, easy go.

So now, I don't want to hide anymore. I only live once. Life. Be crazy (in a positive way). Say good bye to fear. I don't want to be better than others. I just want to be the best of myself!

The rain will never wipe my hope. My hope will come just like an heavy rain! I will lost in the rain of love, hope, and faith.

@Jakarta

Rain outside,

Cynthia