Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Melodi di Studio

HAH! BAHAGIA BANGET!!

Masih jelas dalam ingatan ketika aku masih kos di Karet Sawah pada awal sekolah S2. Aku mulai serius dalam berlatih bernyanyi karena...... Orang-orang di sekitarku katanya pusing kalau dengar aku nyanyi padahal aku sangat menikmati kegiatan itu. Dulu pas aku main band sebagai pianis, sesekali aku ikut bernyanyi, dan sanga vokalis menghadapkan wajahku sambil bicara: "Yaya, kamu main piano aja ya" (Majas apa yang dia ucapkan?). Meskipun aku bisa main piano, aku tone deaf kalau pas nyanyi. Aneh kan. Hahaa.. Ya, aku pada dasarnya peduli dengan telinga-telinga mereka yang mendengar aku bernyanyi. Aku membulatkan niatku untuk berlatih bernyanyi. Sebenarnya dulu aku pernah latihan selama 2 tahun di salah satu Studio Musik di Bogor, tapi sayangnya... hmm.. tidak banyak berubah ya. Serius. Aku sampai hampir putus asa. Akhirnya aku mulai searching di internet "Teknik bernyanyi". Aku latihan sendiri, entah bener apa tidak apa nada yang aku nyanyikan. Aku juga sampai beli CD Rekaman Latihan Vokal milik Indra Aziz (Coach Vocal yang keren itu). Akhirnya, aku ambil kursus di Jakarta. Memang jauh lebih malah biayanya tapi worth it! Dalam waktu 3 bulan aku bisa vibra. Aku berlatih lagu-lagu Jazz yang jadul gitu. Aku sangat enjoy. Sedihnya, pelatih vokalku itu meninggal dunia setelah kira-kira setahun aku mengenalnya.

Singkat cerita, aku jarang latihan vokal tapi aku sering sekali bernyanyi. Tiada hari yang aku lewati tanpa bernyanyi. Aku ingin sekali latihan nyanyi sama Mba Bertha dan Mas Indra Aziz atau sama Mas Indra Lesmana. Wah keren sekali pasti yaaa.., tapi pastinya biayanya juga luar biasa dong ya. Beberapa hari yang lalu, tetanggaku yang merupakan salah satu founder Studio Music Live di Jakarta yang cukup besar memposting Latihan Improvisasi bersama Mas Indra Aziz. Aku langsung hubungin contact person-nya, sambil penasaran biayanya. Deg-deg-an gak bisa bayar. LOL. Ternyata masih terjangkau! Aku happy banget!! Aku langsung daftar setelah memastikan itu bisa untuk semua level, secara aku masih B aja nyanyi-nya, takutnya nanti roaming di sana dan malu-maluin. Semenjak hari itu, aku sangat menanti-natikan hari latihan.

Tibalah hari latihan. Aku bertemu dengan seorang wanita yang ternyata backing vocal Raisa. WHAT?? Aku juga berkenalan dengan salah satu penyanyi untuk ASIAN GAMES. WHAT?? Aku juga satu kelas dengan penyanyi "diatas rata-rata" yang mengisi di Festival JAVA JAZZ. WHATT?? Peserta yang lain juga ada yang pelatih vokal dengan kekhususan bidang bernyanyi theatrical. WHATTT? Aku tidak pernah membayangkan bisa berlatih vokal dengan mereka semua. Seorang aku. *lalupingsan*

Ya, hari itu menambah melodi mayor dalam hidupku. Aku senang sekali dan berharap bisa latihan bersama. Semenjak hari itu juga aku berpikir. Semisal aku bisa jadi jago bernyanyi, aku mau pakai untuk apa ya? Dimana? Pertanyaan itu juga yang memunculkan keraguan. Yah, tapi biarlah ini semua menjadi proses.









Thursday, June 28, 2018

Di bumi yang sama

Harus menata kehidupan dari awal lagi memang tidak mudah. Saat ini, aku merasa dunia sedang tidak berpihak padaku. Ketika aku terdiam, aku hanya bisa memunculkan banyak pertanyaan "mengapa". Lelah sekali terus bertanya seperti itu jadi aku memutuskan untuk berhenti bertanya, anehnya, pertanyaan tersebut berubah menjadi ketakutan. Ah, lelah juga ketakutan seperti ini. Ketakutan itu berubah lagi menjadi pertanyaan.. Seperti itu terus sampai lebaran kuda :')

Aku sungguh tidak mau merasa seperti itu. Lelah sekali. Puji Tuhan, aku perlahan memupuk iman lagi. Percaya bahwa Dia tidak meninggalkan aku. Semua ini Dia ijinkan untuk membantuku di masa depan nanti. Terkadang aku hanya tidak tahan dengan penghakiman yang diberikan oleh orang-orang. Aku muak rasanya. Orang-orang, dengan tidak memikirkan bahwa aku ini (masih) manusia, melemparkan pernyataan: "Lu itu guru sekolah minggu.", atau "Lu itu psikolog." Seakan-akan, gelar tersebut menentukan bagaimana aku harus merasa dan berbuat. Menjadi guru sekolah minggu atau menjadi psikolog sekalipun tidak mencegah aku merasa sedih, marah, atau yang dianggap orang lain merasakan emosi negatif, seakan aku tak boleh salah, tak boleh cacat.

Aku hanya ingin menjadi nyata, tidak dianggap super, diberi ruang maaf, diberi ruang bahwa aku manusia yang bisa melakukan (kalau 'merasa' dianggap salah). Bagaimana kalau pernyataan itu dibalik, "Lu itu manusia", "Lu itu punya hati", "Lu berhak merasakan marah", "Ambil waktu untuk merasakan hal-hal tersebut. Berpikir. Berdiam diri."

Ah, apa gunanya aku berandai-andai, toh di bumi yang sama ini juga aku pernah merasakan hal yang berbeda. Merasakan keindahan, merasakan diterima, menjadi "cukup", dan bahagia. Ceritaku di bumi ini juga tidak akan aku biarkan berhenti di sini. Bukan karena aku guru sekolah minggu, bukan juga karena aku psikolog, tapi karena Tuhan tidak pernah berhenti mengasihi aku sekalipun aku sebenarnya tidak layak untuk dikasihi. 

Kita memang tinggal di bumi yang sama tapi cerita kita tidak pernah sama. Bagaimanapun ceritamu saat ini, mungkin kamu sedang senang, di puncak kesuksesan, perjalanan berjuang, atau apapun itu, kamu tidak sendiri karena setiap orang menjalani kisahnya masing-masing. Jika sedang lelah, beristirahatlah sebentar. Tidak apa-apa. Setelah itu, ayuk kita melanjutkan perjalanan lagi bersama-sama :)

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Two times Infinity (28)

I need an infinity patience because I am too sensitive, easily crying, questioning too much, living in my own world, and stubborn. I need the infinity patience to push my door gently so I can open it smoothly. Not afraid something will harm me. And so I can open it wider.


Because sometimes, I close the door tightly. Not allow anyone open it even though they knock it many times.

Some people misunderstood what they see from the outside and I don’t have time to explain what they are really see so I have to let them walking away. Fortunately, I have chance and energy to explain to the other people. 

Sometimes when I go out and looking around, I see others' door. Some open, some close. I respect their decision either they allow me to come inside their home or not open it for me. 

Entering the 28y.o's club, I will see more opportunity, adventure, risk, dreams, world and still I need infinity patience because I think I never have enough time for growing up and settled. I hope I am wrong about that. 

Friday, March 23, 2018

Where is The Merlion?

Last month, Celebrating my resigning from the former job I decided to went to Singapore and a asking a friend, Ester, to join me. It was a very quick trip. We stay for three days two nights.

I went to Bandara Soekarno Hatta from ITC Cempaka Mas by Jax Connection. Delightfully, there was a Gojek who accepted my request to ITC Cempaka Mas. Can you imagine I bring a medium size of a suitcase in a motorcycle? I took the first schedule of Jax Connection which at 5 AM when the sky still very dark. AND I AM THE ONLY PASSENGER. HOW CREEPY!! But I kept telling my self to remain calm. And THANK GOD I arrive at the airport in time SAFELY.

I met Ester after I had my breakfast. We were so excited because we never been go to Singapore before. We flight by Lion Air and it was not delay. Amazing. The flight was about 2 hours and we arrived in Changi Airport! Our first destination was Chinatown since we stayed there. We went to Chinatown by MRT and it took about one hour. We used google maps to find our motel and it does not really help so we begin to asked people around, long story short, we found it for one and half hour. Finally. It was so hot and the sun shine so bright!

Our second destination is Merlion Park to see nothing but Merlion. When we arrived there, we desperately tried to find it. WHERE IS THE MERLION? After one hours went around, we just reliaze... the merlion.... is under-construction. My dream to take a picture with a symbol of Singapore was just disappear in a second.... I felt really brokenhearted.
The under-construction Merlion :(
Taken by XiaoMi Note 4
I think the Sun can feel my heart so then the sun was hiding and the rain was falling. We sat and went through across the park around after the rain stop. We enjoyed the environment, park, building, and I admit Singapore is cleaner and far-far hygiene than Jakarta.
In Singapore the day longer than night. At 7 PM the sky is still bright, it begin to dark at 8PM. At night we were so happy because we could enjoy Garden by the bay, the music, the song, the attraction, the technology was so cool and beautiful. After that, we went back to motel at 10.00.
Garden by the bay at night
Taken by XiaoMi Note 4
The next day, in the morning, we get acquainted with our roommates. They are from Japan and Korea. Yay, we have new friends! So the second day, I and Ester went to Universal Studio Singapore. IT WAS AWESOME!! I love it. After that, we had an appointment with our new friend to go to the beach near USS, it called Palawan Beach. I think it is more like harbor than a beach but still have a beautiful natural sky. At night we ate at Chinatown and walked to Clark Quey. We enjoyed the eclipse and blood moon at the same time. It was so memorable.
Ester in action, Palawan Beach, Sentosa Island
Taken by XiaoMi Note 4
Early morning at the third day, I and Ester went back to Indonesia. Our Friend went back to Malaysia to continue his holiday before he went back to Korea.

So the short trip, although, really, really short. It has a lot of meaning. Hopefully next time, I can explore the city more or maybe just visit another country. Europe? Maybe.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Me miss you

Since I cannot eat what normal people usually eat, my breakfast and lunch was plain porridge, slices of carrot and tempe. But I can't help. I have eaten the same menu for about a week! So I took potato from the refrigerator and fried it and mixed it with salt! HAHAHA. Some minutes later, I boiled ten fish-balls. I ate five, and mixed the five others into my porridge. (Thank God, my stomach is okay)

Today I kept asking my parent if  I can eat any kind of pork, mie bakso urat, kwetiaw, mie yamin, pangsit goreng, sushi, ramen, laksa, brownies, and my others favorite food and beverages. They told me, I just have to be patient. I only drink warm mineral water or hot sweet tea. No juice, ice cream, milk, soda (I don't really like soda so it's not really a matter). 

The best what I can do is scrolling food account in some social media. Sometime I just tell my parents the way I usually eat while I was imagine in a restaurant. It feels real. T_T

Me miss you, my favorite food :*

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

To Live Again

"If this is my last breath that you give to me, I am ready to go to where You are."

"Let me be with You. I'm ready."

I felt cold even when the sun was shining brightly outside.

I was powerless.

I can't stand.

I can't walk.

I was alone.

In my tiny room I was dying.

Only a phone call and prompt respond became my only hope.

God let me breath until someone came and carried me on the shoulder.

I have a second chance to open my eyes again.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

All about timing

Every season has a different pace. Sometimes, I have to go fast like doing assignments, helping people, understanding what others are really said, and so on. But for making a big decisions in life, it doesn't have to be rushed, does it? Because it will impact for long term, important relationships, and many aspects in life. I think a silent moment is also necessary and not bad at all. People need to take their time to think, and to reflect what is really happen, to release the emotions and other "doesn't make sense" things. And hopefully, time will bring us in a moment that we realize and we can admit that we are not one hundred percent right, to accept others' weakness, to forgive what people do against us, to be okay when people misunderstood us, to see the truth about who ourselves really are. Hopefully it gives us peace in distress circumstances.

alone and lonely.

Semakin tua dan dewasa, aku semakin menyadari betapa sulitnya menerima "it is what it is". Apalagi jika tidak sesuai dengan pemiki...