Holiday is (almost) over

Woohoo.. I am so happy about this holiday and life nowadays. I feel full of energy surrounded by friends. And I feel great when I add some new knowledge to my brain. I've got so many insights that make me excited for life ahead.
I don't have what-to-do list in this holiday. Actually, I'd like to travel but as a student (again) I do not have my own money to fulfill this wish. Poor me. But I think that is good enough because so there is only one thing in my list: get some rest! (I almost sleep late lately). In fact, taking rest is not the only one I did, I become upik abu because my Assistent Rumah Tangga is mudik. Beside become upik abu,  I hang out with my brothers and sister from my local church. One of brothers is just back from Bengkulu. He works there and I am happy to see him here.

A lot of things happen in the past days, study and exams are still dominating my days. Fyi, there is always be an exam in the end of the week. Believe it or not, I love it. I really love analyzing what is really happen inside someone although sweat comes out from my head, my hand shakes (tired after writing 8 pages folios exam) and it can make me headache but it is okay. I want to help people. I love see people improving their ability to live, to love, and to dream.

Beside study, this month is the end of LG and LCG season. What is that? Hmm.. You can read my last couple post, I have explained about that. I have a sister in LCG and we usually meet for 1-2 hours per week to update one another's life. She is a very great listener and friend. A bit anxious about the new beginning of the next LCG. Can I adapt again, sharing about my personal life, with new sister in the next season of LCG? I have difficulties in interpersonal relationship with new people and I am still trying to fix it.

Last thing I want to update here is I am very blessed because I met again with my old friend after months, the one who I think is never give up on me. Actually so many questions about this friendship. Well, let God use this friendship to bless one another and see where He want 'us' go.
Tomorrow is my last holiday and I am ready to study again. I hope everyone have a great holiday as happy as me even more!

Fearless.

Half way to the end of this year. What will happen in the rest of this year? What will happen next month? What will happen tomorrow? What will happen tonight? Will I get a difficult client in my internship? Will I have to deal with complicated case? Am I capable enough to be a psychologist?

I am afraid. 

I am ashamed of being scared and afraid of my future for I know I have a big God. Blessed me, I always have people who always remind me there is nothing to worry about. Last weekend, I met two of my ex co-workers. We talked about how our life is going. I can see the hand of God who has done a great work on them and I believe He won't stop there. As I saw how God works on their life, my ex co-worker said to me, she also see how I have been growing in maturity. For me, personally, yes, I have changed but there is still a lot of room improvement that I need to keep on going. One of them is my doubt about the future, about my self, and my life.

In that meeting we talk about how Jesus Christ describe His self as the Vine, and we, people, are the branches. And he wants us to be always remain on Him so we can be fruitful. And that is the sign of true disciples. And it will bring glory to Father.

It teaches me about God's character. God is the responsible one for the growing of the branches. So if I can reflecting that passage to my condition now, I feel like I don't need to worry as long as I remain on Him - not count on my own strength. For He will taking care my life. And what I need to do is to be fruitful - using everything that He has given to me. So if in the future I have to face failure (again), I may feel discourage, I may feel upset, but what I will not go apart from Jesus. I want to keep believe and remain on Him for the failure is one of ways He prunes and purifies me.

My daily applications to responds the words are:
- Keep reading holy bible
- Keep praying about everything
- Take any chances when other need my help (when I possible to help)
- Think and do other ways to help people if they ask my favor when I can't do it
- Text or call my friends to show them that I am care for them

Well, my insecurity is: 'what if I failed? what if they are not reply my message, say no to me, or reject me?", I will not give up and stop. I will always remain on Him and will be fruitful.

I am not going to quit.