The answer

Finally I realize my last decision is wrong.
Differences is not about hating someone especially someone you love the most.
And guys, hating me will not make me stop loving you.
That's the very best decision I can make.
:)

Enjoying life

I've just finished my recital. It was awesome. Haha.. proud of it. Proud of myself no matter what others say… Proud of the efforts I did. Sometimes people doesn't see the efforts and they don't want to know the pain behind something you have got finally.

Thanks for Karince and Bombie because they are attended my performance. We took a walk to Botani Square. We had fun. Then Bombie went home. I and Karince back to the mall and … an idea crossed to our mind. We attended to stranger’s wedding party. Hahaha.. -.-“

I hope it was the only craziest thing I did.. xP

Hmm.. The feeling of sad and happy seem so close... Sometimes I can feel both feelings at the same time. For example, when I graduated of course I’m happy but in the other side I do sad because I will meet my close friend rarely since our domicile is so far each other.

One thing that I should learn is to enjoy every moment fighting fear with confidence.

Stand with my own feet.. What would life be if I had no courage to attempt anything?

I want to develop all my skills in every ability that God has given to me.

And enjoy the journey...

Good bye to childhood and teens life. I have been growing up..

Welcome my early adulthood life. 

Enjoying the present. Enjoying being mature..

Enjoying to be my self..

good bye, don't cry, and smile :)

I'm not a perfect child, not a perfect sister, not a perfect cousin, not a perfect friend, and i don't even perfect for my self. I'm not perfect at everything that conenct me into relationships with other humans.
There are always problems with communication. I often can't tell exactly what's on mind to around.
Sometimes I can't understand what other's meant as they wish.  In other time, I talk about statements that I can't accept personally. My morality holds my opinions to somebody for the sake of keeping their heart. but I doesn't I can't be honest. I can be all I am when I am with people whom I trust and love. But my trust and love maybe can't be felt by them, especially when I express it. They've thought I hate and judge them with my feelings and that's just horrible because everything messed up. My feelings ruined everything. I won't regret anything. at least I try. I've been thinking about this and I'm sure they will be better without me. Let's go back to the past when you are all have never met me. When I wasn't a part of this group. Let's go back into the past when you all are fine with my absence. I'll go on my own way but please, just don't forget me.

mencari jalan pulang

Perlahan mulai terlihat pelangi dari hujan badai semester delapan. Kelas, skripsi, persahabatan... semua yang berhasil membuat air mataku akhirnya jatuh juga. Perlahan aku mulai merasa bahagia dengan pilihan-pilihan yang aku buat sendiri. Perlahan aku menyadari bahwa semua yang aku alami tidak lain hanya untuk membuatku dewasa. 

Namun rasanya aneh. Ketika pelangi muncul, aku terlampau gembira. Hilang kendali. Pegangan hidup yang aku tetapkan mulai mengalami banyak kompromi. Semua sudah selesai pikirku,tak ada lagi yang harus kupikirkan. Saatnya bersenang-senang - dengan caraku..

Ibaratnya seperti ini..

Ketika mobil berjalan di daerah terjal, sang supir akan sangat berhati-hati, membuka matanya lebar-lebar agar tidak mengalami kecelakaan. Sangat berbeda bila di jalan tol. Sang supir cenderung lebih cepat mengantuk dan ketika itu terjadi, potensi kecelakaan makin tinggi.

Aku memang gembira dengan semua yang terjadi, tentu saja. Tapi aku hilang arah...

Itu membuatku merasa hampa. kosong.

Aku tidak mau tersesat lebih jauh lagi dan terjebak dalam kehampaan ini...

Thank God

Which way to go....

Sitting in a seat I'm waiting on one of my students come.
Listening other students practicing piano, keyboard, and violin.
I realize I'm falling in love for the first time... with music...

After passed my theses defense I decided to focus on learning (and enjoying) music.
For me it is so hard of enjoying something. Some people tell me that I am so serious in this life.
Now here I am... Enjoy, relax, see the world in a different perspective.

I have taken a vocal class. I was late and my teacher kind a young handsome guy :3
I felt so nervous. He told me that I should come on time next class but.... I was late again. five minutes late. I thought it made him bad mood so he looked stern at me. I hope that was just my feeling not in reality. He said I have a problem with give out my voice to the air. He is right. It is difficult to talk about what's on my mind or what's happening. I guess I'm not good at verbal ability and have limitation vocabulary.

I also have taken a violin class. My teacher... I guess he need to learn how to be more patient. I can teach him if he let me but give me a free of charge. HAHA... I had no idea why I CAN'T follow the beat exactly. I need to practice more and more.

What makes I'm afraid is deciding a wrong option. Yesterday I talked to my boss and he told that life is choice. He described what I can get if I still working in his office. He told me he would promote me to be a manager in his music school and my salary will be two digits in my early adulthood. And also I have more time to learn violin and improve my skill on piano. I can imagine how happy my life if I can life like that.
But I know. Life is not that simple. I've learnt about four years in university with my parents' money. How could I do nothing with it... I want to work in formal office with some colleague, have lunch in a restaurant, talk about business, chit chat about each life, make a lot of friendships...    
     
I have to choose... Deep in my heart, I want to stay in music but I can't. In October (after graduation) I will start looking for a job.. Wish me luck..

Unreal vs. Real Life

Sangat prihatin melihat sinetron di Indonesia yang tokohnya selalu sempurna 100% entah itu jahat 100% atau baik 100%. Gua sendiri ga tau apa sinetron itu cerminan masyarakat Indonesia pada umumnya atau karena ada sinetron itu jadinya orang Indonesia mencontoh perilaku tokoh-tokohnya.

Misalnya dalam suatu konflik di sinetron ada orang yang salah.. tokoh itu dibuat seolah-olah dia adalah manusia paling jahat sedunia. Ada lagi tokoh yang jadi 'korban'. Kesannya tokoh itu adalah orang yang baik, gak pernah bikin dosa, selalu dijahatin, orang paling menderita sejagad raya.. Pokoknya orang itu gak pernah bahagia kecuali di akhir cerita karena akhir cerita sinetron tuh pasti berujung si tokoh baik hidup bahagia selamanya.

That's so unreal.

Di kehidupan yang sebenarnya tuh sejahat-jahatnya orang, pasti orang itu punya pikiran baik. Sebaik-baiknya orang, pasti orang itu punya pikiran jahat. Konflik di kehidupan nyata juga gitu. Ga ada yang 100% bener ataupun 100% salah. Gua pikir itu hal yang wajar. Sayangnya, budaya dan nilai yang ada di masyarakat mengharuskan semua orang itu baik 100%. Semua orang menuntut kesempurnaan menurut versinya masing-masing. Persepsi masing-masing. Inilah yang membuat konflik dalam diri seseorang maupun konflik dengan orang lain. Manusia harus menyesuaikan persepsinya sendiri dengan harapan dan tuntutan masyarakat...